Julio is a madman- Mad, I tell you.
We're sitting in the 21 Diner, right in the heart of Centerville. Last night we slept on the big lawn in front of the Sheriff's Station / County Courthouse, which is also right in the heart of Centerville. Centerville is not very big.
Small town, but really nice. First settled by two white men, Henry Fry and Andrew Henry. (I don't know what the deal is with the Henry thing). The Courthouse that we slept in front of is not the original courthouse. The original courthouse was burned down by one of two Missouri militias who were fighting one another in the Civil War. A new courthouse was built, which, according to the town monument, "quickly met with a similar fate".
So the courthouse which stands today then they finally built, sometime in the 1870s. The end.
I talked for like half an hour today to an older gentleman named Don, who knows a fair amount about the town. He directed me to a water mill about a mile away. It's privately-owned, so there's no concession stand nearby, and no huge blacktop parking lot to accommodate the tourists. This mill, in Don's opinion, is the nicest mill in all of MO.
Also, by way of Don, I found something out about the new kind of heavy truck zooming around the street. They're not coal trucks, which I could see for myself. And they're not iron trucks, as I had theorized. No, this new kind of huge 'n' heavy lane-encroaching truck is: Lead truck! Great! I'm thrilled.
We stayed over in Centerville with two British east-bounders, Andy and Margaret. Andy warns us that traffic ahead may be slowed, because there is a big Donkey Rodeo. We offered Andy some apple wine, and he offered right back with some beer. And not warm ale, either, but good old cold Beast Ice. Over drinks, Andy told us to watch out, because between Ellington and Centerville are some of the nastiest drivers he and his wife have ever seen.
These drivers hoot, honk, flip you off, shout at you, and one of them in the opposing lane actually crossed the yellow line and aimed his car at Margaret, to scare her. Gulp gulp gulp!
21 August 2006
August 4, 3:19 pm, Centerville, MO
Boy oh boy, was I excited a few minutes ago. I finally found a soda machine that had good old fashioned Mr. Pibb! I put my dollar in, pushed the Mr. Pibb button... and out came Pibb Xtra.
Damn! It! All! To! Hell!
I drank the damn thing, caffeine and all. And now 'm not getting any sleep tonight. But at least I got a soda. The Pepsi machine is covered with Post It notes: "Owes Bonnie .75 ¢" "Brian $.75" "Renee 75¢" "Owes Gerry $1.75"
8/3 Farmingdale Park, Farmingdale, MO ->8.5 hrs, 04253.2
Damn! It! All! To! Hell!
I drank the damn thing, caffeine and all. And now 'm not getting any sleep tonight. But at least I got a soda. The Pepsi machine is covered with Post It notes: "Owes Bonnie .75 ¢" "Brian $.75" "Renee 75¢" "Owes Gerry $1.75"
8/3 Farmingdale Park, Farmingdale, MO ->8.5 hrs, 04253.2
August 4, 2:41 pm, Centerville, MO pop 202
Aah, Centerville. Birthplace of the comic superhero Middleman! See him rip off his dress shirt and tie to reveal... a dress shirt and a tie!
Another bad joke comes to mind - a business whose slogan is "We cut out the middleman, so you don't have to!"
Looks like we're not going to get to California, or even the Rockies. At least, not now. Kansas City, MO, you are our final destination. I wish you didn't sound so boring.
Another bad joke comes to mind - a business whose slogan is "We cut out the middleman, so you don't have to!"
Looks like we're not going to get to California, or even the Rockies. At least, not now. Kansas City, MO, you are our final destination. I wish you didn't sound so boring.
August 3, 11:40 pm, Farmington, MO
Happy Birthday Eve!
Got into MO today! Centerville, here we come..
8/2 Chester City Park, Chester, IL ->7 hrs, 04178.3
Got into MO today! Centerville, here we come..
8/2 Chester City Park, Chester, IL ->7 hrs, 04178.3
10 August 2006
August 2, 7:45 pm, Chester, IL
I've just been swimming in a gigantic 10 ft pool, filled with sparkling water as warm and welcoming as the womb. This is nice, very nice.
Ddogg and I are definitely the oldest people here, by far. This includes the lifeguards, who not only look the other way when the kids roughhouse, but also razz those kids whose antics are not amusing enough. It's funny, but also a little scary - like Our Gang, if the gang involved were the Crips.
The ifeguards have spent the last 20 minutes trying to get this tiny 4'5" girl to do a gainer off the diving board. She hasn't yet, but I think they're wearing her down.
So chester is a funny place. And it's not just the unsupervised William Golding's "Lord of the Rascals" aspect. Chester is home to Popeye.
This is a town dedicated to Popeye, whose economy revolves entirely around him. All the town banners are emblazoned with a Popeye; he's front and center on the water tower; even the Chamber of Commerce has a big fat Popeye face on it. I wouldn't kid about this. I think there's more representations of Popeye in this town than there were of Stalin in Soviet Russia.
It's great for the people of Chester now. Sure, they're living in the days of wine and roses. But what's gonna happen once ths nation-wide Popeye craze dies down?
Of course, I kid, and I kid because I love. I really like Chester. I got to stick my head into a Wimpy cutout, and eat a hamburger.
Also, the retaurant chain "Popeye's" is not named after Popeye the Sailor Man! It's named after Popeye Doyle from "The French Connection". What a world.
8/1 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL -> 7 hrs, 04116.6
Ddogg and I are definitely the oldest people here, by far. This includes the lifeguards, who not only look the other way when the kids roughhouse, but also razz those kids whose antics are not amusing enough. It's funny, but also a little scary - like Our Gang, if the gang involved were the Crips.
The ifeguards have spent the last 20 minutes trying to get this tiny 4'5" girl to do a gainer off the diving board. She hasn't yet, but I think they're wearing her down.
So chester is a funny place. And it's not just the unsupervised William Golding's "Lord of the Rascals" aspect. Chester is home to Popeye.
This is a town dedicated to Popeye, whose economy revolves entirely around him. All the town banners are emblazoned with a Popeye; he's front and center on the water tower; even the Chamber of Commerce has a big fat Popeye face on it. I wouldn't kid about this. I think there's more representations of Popeye in this town than there were of Stalin in Soviet Russia.
It's great for the people of Chester now. Sure, they're living in the days of wine and roses. But what's gonna happen once ths nation-wide Popeye craze dies down?
Of course, I kid, and I kid because I love. I really like Chester. I got to stick my head into a Wimpy cutout, and eat a hamburger.
Also, the retaurant chain "Popeye's" is not named after Popeye the Sailor Man! It's named after Popeye Doyle from "The French Connection". What a world.
8/1 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL -> 7 hrs, 04116.6
August 2, 3:20 pm, Rockwood, IL (pop. 41)
Pulled off to the side of Route 3 - the first shade I've seen in miles. Sitting there was a mtorcyclist named Tim, trying to pack his bags more efficiently. Nice guy, this Tim. Imagine the actor Chris Cooper with a well-trimmed Fu Manchu.
Boy does he ever have a sweet ride, a nice sleek BMW cycle. He said he bought it four months back, and hasn't gotten on his Harley once since. I told him about our trip, how everybody's been generous and welcoming to us, and he got a real kick out of it.
Back in '78, after he got out of high school, he drove his motorcycle from his hometown in Missouri out to Texas. He referred to this time, sarcastically, as "the good ol' days," back when you got the evil eye if you rode a motorcycle and/or had longish hair.
This one time, he wasn't even on a bike - he had bought an old beater of a station wagon, and was driving across the Panhandle with some friends, "smoking dope and seeing the country".
But then a cop car came up behind him and popped on the cherry lights. Tim pulled over, and the cop sauntered up to the window, hefting up his belt, and called to his partner, "Looks like we got some hippies here!"
The officer made him get out of the car, and gestured to a yield sign behind them. "I don't know how you hippies do it in Missouri, but here in Texas we stop at stop signs." "Yessir," Tim replies, "but that's a yield sign."
"I said, that's a stop sign!" the officer shot back, putting his hand on his holster.
Present-tense Tim says to me, "Now, I was stoned, but I wasn't stupid. I said, 'I do believe you're right. How much do I owe you?"
Forty-five dollars, cash.
The end.
Boy does he ever have a sweet ride, a nice sleek BMW cycle. He said he bought it four months back, and hasn't gotten on his Harley once since. I told him about our trip, how everybody's been generous and welcoming to us, and he got a real kick out of it.
Back in '78, after he got out of high school, he drove his motorcycle from his hometown in Missouri out to Texas. He referred to this time, sarcastically, as "the good ol' days," back when you got the evil eye if you rode a motorcycle and/or had longish hair.
This one time, he wasn't even on a bike - he had bought an old beater of a station wagon, and was driving across the Panhandle with some friends, "smoking dope and seeing the country".
But then a cop car came up behind him and popped on the cherry lights. Tim pulled over, and the cop sauntered up to the window, hefting up his belt, and called to his partner, "Looks like we got some hippies here!"
The officer made him get out of the car, and gestured to a yield sign behind them. "I don't know how you hippies do it in Missouri, but here in Texas we stop at stop signs." "Yessir," Tim replies, "but that's a yield sign."
"I said, that's a stop sign!" the officer shot back, putting his hand on his holster.
Present-tense Tim says to me, "Now, I was stoned, but I wasn't stupid. I said, 'I do believe you're right. How much do I owe you?"
Forty-five dollars, cash.
The end.
August 2, 12:38 am, still in Carbondale
Scooty is still with us. No sign of the meth skags.
Maybe it's the fact that it's past midnight and still 82 degrees, but I think I have figured out how to get rich.
You know Gnarls Barkley? They figured it out, too. Get a stupid name that's a mash-up of an already familiar name. Make a pop song. Get paid millions.
The problem is, I don't know which name to pick. I have three, and they all seem like winners. In no particular order, they are:
1) Hairy Chronic, Jr.
2) Johann Sebastian Bacharach
3) Gringo Starr
i'm thinking of going with #3, only because 1 and 2 are still up in the air (what's funnier - Hairy Chronic Doober or Hairy Chronic Jr. - Johann Sebastian Bacharach or Johann Sebastian Rock? see what I mean?)
Now all I need is an A&R guy. And a producer.
Also, does anyone out there play instruments, or write songs? I could use your help.
Holy Hubba bubba, it sure is hot.
Maybe it's the fact that it's past midnight and still 82 degrees, but I think I have figured out how to get rich.
You know Gnarls Barkley? They figured it out, too. Get a stupid name that's a mash-up of an already familiar name. Make a pop song. Get paid millions.
The problem is, I don't know which name to pick. I have three, and they all seem like winners. In no particular order, they are:
1) Hairy Chronic, Jr.
2) Johann Sebastian Bacharach
3) Gringo Starr
i'm thinking of going with #3, only because 1 and 2 are still up in the air (what's funnier - Hairy Chronic Doober or Hairy Chronic Jr. - Johann Sebastian Bacharach or Johann Sebastian Rock? see what I mean?)
Now all I need is an A&R guy. And a producer.
Also, does anyone out there play instruments, or write songs? I could use your help.
Holy Hubba bubba, it sure is hot.
August 1, 11:21 pm, Carbondale, IL
Too hot. We stay in the motel for another day.
I forgot to say "Rabbit rabbit" first thing this morning. Actually, I didn't forget to say it so much as I remembered to say it but failed to do so. In fact, I remembered to say it in some dreams last night/this morning. But then my phone went off this morning, when Ddogg and I were both still asleep. I went over and turned it off, and Ddogg said, "What time is it?"
I said, "8:14," as Ddogg went, "Don't answer that question!" as I realized that I only dreamed saying "Rabbit rabbit", and hadn't yet said it in the real world.
Then I threw myself across my giant motel bed and went back to sleep, thoroughly demoralized. But we are setting off again tomorrow morning, and tomorrow is another day!
How's the luck been so far? Not too bad. I locked myself out of the motel room today when Ddogg took Scooty to the shop, but only for about an hour. That's pretty good.
Also, when these two ladies drove by in a convertible and I waved to them, and they circled the Motel 6 parking lot as fast as they could, and I went over to talk to them, and realized to my horror once I got close enough that these were not hot chicks cruising around for cute guys, but were in fact ladies who were my age but appeared to be much older because of the ravaging effects of methamphetamine addiction and they wanted gas money - when this happened, they talked me out of three bucks.
But! They didn't take all my money, or shank me with a homemade knife, or come back later to steal scooty or rip all of his saleable copper out.
And instead of choking on a cherry pit, I only accidentally swallowed it. And the severe heat warning is supposed to lift this morning at 4:00 am. My hope is that the temperature will drop 20 or so degrees in the two hours before the sun reappears.
So things are looking up for yours truly.
And that's pretty good.
7/31 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL, don't know and don't care because I am too hot to care
I forgot to say "Rabbit rabbit" first thing this morning. Actually, I didn't forget to say it so much as I remembered to say it but failed to do so. In fact, I remembered to say it in some dreams last night/this morning. But then my phone went off this morning, when Ddogg and I were both still asleep. I went over and turned it off, and Ddogg said, "What time is it?"
I said, "8:14," as Ddogg went, "Don't answer that question!" as I realized that I only dreamed saying "Rabbit rabbit", and hadn't yet said it in the real world.
Then I threw myself across my giant motel bed and went back to sleep, thoroughly demoralized. But we are setting off again tomorrow morning, and tomorrow is another day!
How's the luck been so far? Not too bad. I locked myself out of the motel room today when Ddogg took Scooty to the shop, but only for about an hour. That's pretty good.
Also, when these two ladies drove by in a convertible and I waved to them, and they circled the Motel 6 parking lot as fast as they could, and I went over to talk to them, and realized to my horror once I got close enough that these were not hot chicks cruising around for cute guys, but were in fact ladies who were my age but appeared to be much older because of the ravaging effects of methamphetamine addiction and they wanted gas money - when this happened, they talked me out of three bucks.
But! They didn't take all my money, or shank me with a homemade knife, or come back later to steal scooty or rip all of his saleable copper out.
And instead of choking on a cherry pit, I only accidentally swallowed it. And the severe heat warning is supposed to lift this morning at 4:00 am. My hope is that the temperature will drop 20 or so degrees in the two hours before the sun reappears.
So things are looking up for yours truly.
And that's pretty good.
7/31 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL, don't know and don't care because I am too hot to care
09 August 2006
July 31, around 2:00 pm, Carbondale, IL
"Dogs bite, but balloons and slippers are more dangerous." Wise words indeed. I got that from the Carbondale Public Library.
Even wiser words: "Never go to the public library in Carbondale."
They charge $5.00 for internet access. Five dollars! For an hour! That's absurd!
This library ain't hurting for money, either. There are at least five banks of computers. From where I'm sitting, I can see 9 clocks. And there are Ansel Adams prints that one can check out with one's library card.
Hell, I can live off of five dollars for at least two days!
Perhaps I'm being a bit unfair. I haven't given you the whole story. Internet access is five dollars if you don't have a library card. To quote the (quite snarky) Carbondale Public Library Internet Policy, one has "the option of purchasing a Carbondale Public Library Card." Yup, you read right.
In Carbondale you have to pay for a library card.
What if one has a card from a nearby library? Quoth the CPLIP, "Individuals who are registered cardholders at other public libraries will be directed to their home library if they choose not to pay the fee... The Carbondale Public Library staff can direct individuals who do not want to purchase a Carbondale Public Library Card or pay the fee to local commercial establishments which offer internet access."
Mee-yow.
You see why I don't like this library. Also, they had a quote-unquote Pirate Magician performing for the kids. The kids were all dressed as pirates, and having a good time. Most of his act consisted of bad-mouthing pirates, reminding kids that they were "bad people" and "the real bad guys". Why would you do that?
7/30 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL -> 9 hrs 04018.2
Even wiser words: "Never go to the public library in Carbondale."
They charge $5.00 for internet access. Five dollars! For an hour! That's absurd!
This library ain't hurting for money, either. There are at least five banks of computers. From where I'm sitting, I can see 9 clocks. And there are Ansel Adams prints that one can check out with one's library card.
Hell, I can live off of five dollars for at least two days!
Perhaps I'm being a bit unfair. I haven't given you the whole story. Internet access is five dollars if you don't have a library card. To quote the (quite snarky) Carbondale Public Library Internet Policy, one has "the option of purchasing a Carbondale Public Library Card." Yup, you read right.
In Carbondale you have to pay for a library card.
What if one has a card from a nearby library? Quoth the CPLIP, "Individuals who are registered cardholders at other public libraries will be directed to their home library if they choose not to pay the fee... The Carbondale Public Library staff can direct individuals who do not want to purchase a Carbondale Public Library Card or pay the fee to local commercial establishments which offer internet access."
Mee-yow.
You see why I don't like this library. Also, they had a quote-unquote Pirate Magician performing for the kids. The kids were all dressed as pirates, and having a good time. Most of his act consisted of bad-mouthing pirates, reminding kids that they were "bad people" and "the real bad guys". Why would you do that?
7/30 Motel 6, Carbondale, IL -> 9 hrs 04018.2
July 30, 3:26 pm, Goreville, IL
Another 1000 miles! 04011.1! Carbondale, here we come.
7/29 Bear Branch Horse Resort, Eddyville, IL; 10 hrs, 03954.4
7/29 Bear Branch Horse Resort, Eddyville, IL; 10 hrs, 03954.4
08 August 2006
July 30, 12:32 pm, Saline County, IL
So who wants to bet if I'm lost or not?
Five bucks?
Ha. I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am, which is 14 miles away from where I made my wrong turn (first turn of the morning). All I have to do is go back on 145 South, and hope that along the way I don't get properly lost.
Awful awful sleep last night. I went to bed at ten, but didn't fall asleep until about midnight because an entire family of no-see-ums was in the tent with me.
I finally fell asleep. Next thing I remember, I wake up from a horrible nightmare which just wouldn't stop. I check my cell phone, and it's 5 am, and I wonder if it's worth going back to sleep, and the nightmare starts up again!
And then I wake up for real - for real for real - I check my cell phone and it's only 12:11.
Sometimes I really hate my brain.
Five bucks?
Ha. I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am, which is 14 miles away from where I made my wrong turn (first turn of the morning). All I have to do is go back on 145 South, and hope that along the way I don't get properly lost.
Awful awful sleep last night. I went to bed at ten, but didn't fall asleep until about midnight because an entire family of no-see-ums was in the tent with me.
I finally fell asleep. Next thing I remember, I wake up from a horrible nightmare which just wouldn't stop. I check my cell phone, and it's 5 am, and I wonder if it's worth going back to sleep, and the nightmare starts up again!
And then I wake up for real - for real for real - I check my cell phone and it's only 12:11.
Sometimes I really hate my brain.
July 29, 1:25 pm, Elizabethtown, IL
Woah. So the guy who drove past me, and filmed me? Well, after I finished plogging, I put my book away, started up the motorcycle, and started driving. He must've turned around further down the road, and started coming in my direction. So then he was behind me, and I pulled over and let him pass. Phew.
So but, then...
He comes up in the opposing lane, and pulls over across the street from me! What in tarnation?!
I don't want to be suspicious, but he's been filming me (gulp.), and has been following me (double gulp.), and he's in a van (Big Gulp!)
Okay, okay, chill out, I tell myself. This isn't what it looks like. Even though it is starting to remind me of when John Wayne Gacy dressed up like a clown and killed people in this state.
But seriously dude, chill out. This is a well-trafficked road, and he's got a lady in the passenger seat (I assume his wife, but perhaps she's a prisoner! OMG!! It puts on the lotion or it gets the hose!) He leans out the window, and as if to explain his filming-following, says, "I saw you back there, and I thought, 'Boy, this guy must have a story to tell.'"
And he's correct. It's a short story. It goes like this: "Once upon a time, there was this guy, and he was freaked out. Freaked out of his mind. The end."
Anyways, it turns out that the guy is a pastor from Carbondale, and has what appears to be a complete lack of social skills. And he does not kidnap or skin people, so far as I could tell.
He's a pastor. And there's nothing scary about that. Or clowns. Right? Right.
7/28 Cave in Rock State Park, Cave in Rock, IL -> 6.5 hrs, 03891.7
So but, then...
He comes up in the opposing lane, and pulls over across the street from me! What in tarnation?!
I don't want to be suspicious, but he's been filming me (gulp.), and has been following me (double gulp.), and he's in a van (Big Gulp!)
Okay, okay, chill out, I tell myself. This isn't what it looks like. Even though it is starting to remind me of when John Wayne Gacy dressed up like a clown and killed people in this state.
But seriously dude, chill out. This is a well-trafficked road, and he's got a lady in the passenger seat (I assume his wife, but perhaps she's a prisoner! OMG!! It puts on the lotion or it gets the hose!) He leans out the window, and as if to explain his filming-following, says, "I saw you back there, and I thought, 'Boy, this guy must have a story to tell.'"
And he's correct. It's a short story. It goes like this: "Once upon a time, there was this guy, and he was freaked out. Freaked out of his mind. The end."
Anyways, it turns out that the guy is a pastor from Carbondale, and has what appears to be a complete lack of social skills. And he does not kidnap or skin people, so far as I could tell.
He's a pastor. And there's nothing scary about that. Or clowns. Right? Right.
7/28 Cave in Rock State Park, Cave in Rock, IL -> 6.5 hrs, 03891.7
July 29, 1:12 pm, Elizabethtown, IL
Stopped in to town, to see if anybody sent any general deliveries. Nada.
So we thought we should do some laundry. We found the laundromat, which had (count 'em) one working washer, two working dryers, and three vending machines (filled with detergent) which did not work at all.
And in the time it took us to discover this, we got swaaddled over by a blanket of oppressive humidity. Oh gosh it's hot.
Some guy just drove past me in a van, filming me as he drove. Wow.
Anyway, I feel too heat-indexed to move, for a while. I met a biker named Ted. Good guy, coming from California, been on the road for two months. That's about it. He also agreed that it's very hot today.
I think I may be melting. This is not a normal amount of sweat. Guhggh..
So we thought we should do some laundry. We found the laundromat, which had (count 'em) one working washer, two working dryers, and three vending machines (filled with detergent) which did not work at all.
And in the time it took us to discover this, we got swaaddled over by a blanket of oppressive humidity. Oh gosh it's hot.
Some guy just drove past me in a van, filming me as he drove. Wow.
Anyway, I feel too heat-indexed to move, for a while. I met a biker named Ted. Good guy, coming from California, been on the road for two months. That's about it. He also agreed that it's very hot today.
I think I may be melting. This is not a normal amount of sweat. Guhggh..
July 28, 9:27 pm, Cave in Rock, IL
It rained all day today. Except the times when I stopped the scooter. Then it would stop raining, long enough for me to decide to start riding again. Then, it would start raining again. My plog is soggy.
Got into Clay, KY, long enough to realize that there is nothing in Clay, KY.
Finally, I pulled into Marion, KY and found a place that could sell me coffee and cigarettes. (I can't believe I didn't plog this - we ran into two cute eastbound biker ladies at the soda fountain in Sebree. These were the first women my-age-ish I've talked to in days (if not weeks), and they did not seem repelled by my road stink. So I think my confidence went up.)
What was I saying... oh yeah, so I go to get some coffee, and chatted it up with a very cute deli attendant. She offered to make me fresh coffee (which offer I declined), so I let her sweet-talk me into buying some goulash.
Now, I had been driving for hours in the rain, and now had to have been standing like directly under an air conditioning vent. I was shivering, and I kept shivering. The cute deli attendant called me, "You poor thing!"
Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't call someone you are attracted to "you poor thing", right? You shoot flirty eyes at them, or make out with them, or comp them goulash, or something. But you say "you poor thing" to a dog you found on the street. Am I right?
Anyway, I didn't realize any of this until after I got the goulash. And then my confidence plummetted. Somehow, on the way to Utica, Ddogg manages to get himself invited into a pool with three bikini-clad ladies. Me? I meet Princess, the two-legged dog.
Dammit.
The goulash was very good, though.
7/27 First Baptist Church, Sebree, KY -> 11 hrs, 03837.2
Got into Clay, KY, long enough to realize that there is nothing in Clay, KY.
Finally, I pulled into Marion, KY and found a place that could sell me coffee and cigarettes. (I can't believe I didn't plog this - we ran into two cute eastbound biker ladies at the soda fountain in Sebree. These were the first women my-age-ish I've talked to in days (if not weeks), and they did not seem repelled by my road stink. So I think my confidence went up.)
What was I saying... oh yeah, so I go to get some coffee, and chatted it up with a very cute deli attendant. She offered to make me fresh coffee (which offer I declined), so I let her sweet-talk me into buying some goulash.
Now, I had been driving for hours in the rain, and now had to have been standing like directly under an air conditioning vent. I was shivering, and I kept shivering. The cute deli attendant called me, "You poor thing!"
Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't call someone you are attracted to "you poor thing", right? You shoot flirty eyes at them, or make out with them, or comp them goulash, or something. But you say "you poor thing" to a dog you found on the street. Am I right?
Anyway, I didn't realize any of this until after I got the goulash. And then my confidence plummetted. Somehow, on the way to Utica, Ddogg manages to get himself invited into a pool with three bikini-clad ladies. Me? I meet Princess, the two-legged dog.
Dammit.
The goulash was very good, though.
7/27 First Baptist Church, Sebree, KY -> 11 hrs, 03837.2
July 27, 11:41 pm, Sebree, KY
Tonight, we stay in the First Baptist Church. This place is great! We're allowed full use of the basement, and in terms of square footage it's bigger than eitherhouse I grew up in. And it's ours, all ours! So hospitable.
I think I might become a Baptist. Or a volunteer firefighter.
I've been reading through a Bible, and there are some things in here I never expected to read. I mean, the Old Testament does get a little out there, especially with Leviticus. But even the New Testament! Did you know women shouldn't speak in church? A sample, from St. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians:
"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for women to speak in church." -1 Cor 14:34-35
Wow.
Then again, I don't know how well to trust this Bible. It says that it's the NKJV text, but then again, it's also called the "Teen Extreme Bible". And it actually corrects God at one point. I know. Check it out.
The note for Leviticus 11:4-5 ("Nevertheless these you shall not eat among those that chew the cud or those that have cloven hooves: the camel, because it chews the cud but does not have cloven hooves, is unclean to you; the rock hyrax, because it chews the cud but does not have cloven hooves, is unclean to you...") says: "Rock hyraxes [also known as the 'coney' in KJV - ed.] look a lot like guinea pigs. They do not chew cud like cows do, but their mouths are moving all the time, giving the impression that they're chewing cud. The rock hyraxes have a suction-like grip that allows them to maneuver on rocks."
Now, I like the extra information about the suction-like grip, but I don't think I can trust a Bible with God-contradicting commentary.
Oooh! Also, I forgot to plog yesterday - I met a two-legged dog named Princess. Both her legs are on the same side of her body, and she can run. It is awe-inspiring. She'd be my role model if she hadn't been hit 4 times by the same truck.
7/26 Utica Volunteer Fire Department, Utica, KY -> 10.5 hrs, 03808.3
I think I might become a Baptist. Or a volunteer firefighter.
I've been reading through a Bible, and there are some things in here I never expected to read. I mean, the Old Testament does get a little out there, especially with Leviticus. But even the New Testament! Did you know women shouldn't speak in church? A sample, from St. Paul's first letter to the Corinthians:
"Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for women to speak in church." -1 Cor 14:34-35
Wow.
Then again, I don't know how well to trust this Bible. It says that it's the NKJV text, but then again, it's also called the "Teen Extreme Bible". And it actually corrects God at one point. I know. Check it out.
The note for Leviticus 11:4-5 ("Nevertheless these you shall not eat among those that chew the cud or those that have cloven hooves: the camel, because it chews the cud but does not have cloven hooves, is unclean to you; the rock hyrax, because it chews the cud but does not have cloven hooves, is unclean to you...") says: "Rock hyraxes [also known as the 'coney' in KJV - ed.] look a lot like guinea pigs. They do not chew cud like cows do, but their mouths are moving all the time, giving the impression that they're chewing cud. The rock hyraxes have a suction-like grip that allows them to maneuver on rocks."
Now, I like the extra information about the suction-like grip, but I don't think I can trust a Bible with God-contradicting commentary.
Oooh! Also, I forgot to plog yesterday - I met a two-legged dog named Princess. Both her legs are on the same side of her body, and she can run. It is awe-inspiring. She'd be my role model if she hadn't been hit 4 times by the same truck.
7/26 Utica Volunteer Fire Department, Utica, KY -> 10.5 hrs, 03808.3
04 August 2006
July 26, 3:31pm, somewhere outside of Sebree, KY
Oh, okay. Two more strident outside-world items.
1) Remember those tuna-net-like sweeps of suspicious Muslims that we conducted just after 9/11? The secret ones that the Bush Administration denied we were doing? Yeah, you remember them now.
Well, the United States has finally released the last guy we arrested! Hooray! C'mon cheer with me. It's okay, this guy, Benemar Benatta, is not a terrorist. How do we know he's not a terrorist?
Because the government concluded that in NOVEMBER OF 2001!!
2) In other news, a lawsuit brought against AT&T by Studs Terkel (an American treasure, to be sure) has been dismissed. They were suing to block AT&T from illegally disclosing any more customer information to the NSA, and to basically confirm or deny whether AT&T has done so in the past.
The court says that - while everybody knows that AT&T and other phone companies provided such information - if they confirm it or deny it in a court of law, then our enemies might get a better understanding of the government’s intelligence activities.
Some of you may be like, "Well, duh!", but others might not see the logic here. For the latter, here it is. The Executive branch usually relies on one of two arguments when they don’t want to reveal something. The first is the Mosaic theory, which says that confirmation or denial of a whole bunch of unclassified material can help people deduce classified material. The second is the State Secrets Privilege, which allows the government to dismiss otherwise sound legal cases when it believes that those cases could harm national security.
(It seems that the Bush Administration is relying on the SSP, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the MT made its way into their arguments somewhere along the line.)
You see, if we revealed what information the Federal Government illegally seized from her citizens in violation of the Fourth Amendment and the FISA statutes, then our enemies might, just might, figure out how to evade eavesdropping.
If AT&T admits that they (in violation of the aforementioned Federal law, passed by the duly elected representatives of the American people) disclosed the private and privileged data of their customers to the NSA or other Executive organizations, THEY WOULD BE PLAYING RIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF THE TERRORISTS (they’d also be following the established laws of American jurisprudence, but that’s really apples and oranges. Focus, people!)
What’s funny (but not “Ha ha!” funny) is that there is not a single thing that the government can do that doesn’t fall under either the Mosaic theory or the State Secrets Privilege. And that’s bad, very bad.
One of the most remarkable features of our Founding Fathers is that they chose to limit the power they were giving to the government – and since a lot of them were going to become part of the government, how they chose to limit their own power. They understood that all leaders, even those ruling through the consent of governed, will naturally try to amass more power.
Simply put, if you give people power, they will want more power. If you give somebody a hammer, everything looks like nails, and he’ll want a bigger, better hammer. Once he gets it, he sees how there are some things that even his bigger, better hammer can’t nail. So he needs More Power. A bigger hammer. Let’s call this the Tim Allen Theory of Government. The TATG is how despotism begins.
Their solution, to constrain the powers of the Government via the Bill of Rights, is really the only thing that has prevented this country from becoming completely Fascist. We need the Bill of Rights, and its limits on government power, to prevent us from getting totally hammered (or screwed, as the case may be).
The freedoms we cherish? We don’t have them because of any inborn characteristic of the American people. I wish we did, but we don’t. We have them because the Founding Fathers gave us a tool to constrain the government. We have our rights because we can hold the government accountable.
What else do we have?
We have a White House that decided it could snoop on us whenever it sees fit.
We have a white House that used illegally gotten material to order police investigations into tens of thousands of innocent civilians.
We have a White House that had the CIA kidnap, drug, and beat a guy, then fly him to a secret prison in Afghanistan and hold him there for months (even though they knew that he was innocent), and then, when they decided they were done with him, drop him off in Albania. Without ever filing a single criminal charge against the guy.
And all of this is okay, and unchallengeable in the courts, because this same White House says so.
The Founding Fathers had a name for this kind of thing – Tyranny.
Remember to vote.
7/26 Utica Volunteer Fire Department, Utica, KY ->10.5 hrs, 03808.3
1) Remember those tuna-net-like sweeps of suspicious Muslims that we conducted just after 9/11? The secret ones that the Bush Administration denied we were doing? Yeah, you remember them now.
Well, the United States has finally released the last guy we arrested! Hooray! C'mon cheer with me. It's okay, this guy, Benemar Benatta, is not a terrorist. How do we know he's not a terrorist?
Because the government concluded that in NOVEMBER OF 2001!!
2) In other news, a lawsuit brought against AT&T by Studs Terkel (an American treasure, to be sure) has been dismissed. They were suing to block AT&T from illegally disclosing any more customer information to the NSA, and to basically confirm or deny whether AT&T has done so in the past.
The court says that - while everybody knows that AT&T and other phone companies provided such information - if they confirm it or deny it in a court of law, then our enemies might get a better understanding of the government’s intelligence activities.
Some of you may be like, "Well, duh!", but others might not see the logic here. For the latter, here it is. The Executive branch usually relies on one of two arguments when they don’t want to reveal something. The first is the Mosaic theory, which says that confirmation or denial of a whole bunch of unclassified material can help people deduce classified material. The second is the State Secrets Privilege, which allows the government to dismiss otherwise sound legal cases when it believes that those cases could harm national security.
(It seems that the Bush Administration is relying on the SSP, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the MT made its way into their arguments somewhere along the line.)
You see, if we revealed what information the Federal Government illegally seized from her citizens in violation of the Fourth Amendment and the FISA statutes, then our enemies might, just might, figure out how to evade eavesdropping.
If AT&T admits that they (in violation of the aforementioned Federal law, passed by the duly elected representatives of the American people) disclosed the private and privileged data of their customers to the NSA or other Executive organizations, THEY WOULD BE PLAYING RIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF THE TERRORISTS (they’d also be following the established laws of American jurisprudence, but that’s really apples and oranges. Focus, people!)
What’s funny (but not “Ha ha!” funny) is that there is not a single thing that the government can do that doesn’t fall under either the Mosaic theory or the State Secrets Privilege. And that’s bad, very bad.
One of the most remarkable features of our Founding Fathers is that they chose to limit the power they were giving to the government – and since a lot of them were going to become part of the government, how they chose to limit their own power. They understood that all leaders, even those ruling through the consent of governed, will naturally try to amass more power.
Simply put, if you give people power, they will want more power. If you give somebody a hammer, everything looks like nails, and he’ll want a bigger, better hammer. Once he gets it, he sees how there are some things that even his bigger, better hammer can’t nail. So he needs More Power. A bigger hammer. Let’s call this the Tim Allen Theory of Government. The TATG is how despotism begins.
Their solution, to constrain the powers of the Government via the Bill of Rights, is really the only thing that has prevented this country from becoming completely Fascist. We need the Bill of Rights, and its limits on government power, to prevent us from getting totally hammered (or screwed, as the case may be).
The freedoms we cherish? We don’t have them because of any inborn characteristic of the American people. I wish we did, but we don’t. We have them because the Founding Fathers gave us a tool to constrain the government. We have our rights because we can hold the government accountable.
What else do we have?
We have a White House that decided it could snoop on us whenever it sees fit.
We have a white House that used illegally gotten material to order police investigations into tens of thousands of innocent civilians.
We have a White House that had the CIA kidnap, drug, and beat a guy, then fly him to a secret prison in Afghanistan and hold him there for months (even though they knew that he was innocent), and then, when they decided they were done with him, drop him off in Albania. Without ever filing a single criminal charge against the guy.
And all of this is okay, and unchallengeable in the courts, because this same White House says so.
The Founding Fathers had a name for this kind of thing – Tyranny.
Remember to vote.
7/26 Utica Volunteer Fire Department, Utica, KY ->10.5 hrs, 03808.3
03 August 2006
July 25, 8:30 pm, then 7:30 pm, then 8:31 pm, Hudson, KY
I'm near the Central/Eastern time zone, and my cell phone is acting up. If I stand on one side of this truck it's 7:30 and I have no cell phone reception. On the other side, it's an hour later and I have three bars. Crazy.
Look - I have been trying to keep this plog/blog focused on the trip and not talk about wider concerns. But WTF? I'm pretty disgusted, and I can't hold my hand any longer.
Every president of the United States swears a solemn oath to uphold the Constitution and to protect the American people. Furthermore, the president's policies, and the actions of his Administration, are supposed to be in the best interests of the American people.
Yet this President and his appointees have made it clear time and again that they are serving first the GOP. Now some of you all might say that the interests of the GOP may very well coincide with those of our nation. I can't prove otherwise, and I don't care - because that's beside the point.
You serve the country first, and hope it benefits your party. Not the other way around.
7/24 M.O.K.H.S.P., Bardstown, KY -> 9 hrs drunk sleep, 03576.2
Look - I have been trying to keep this plog/blog focused on the trip and not talk about wider concerns. But WTF? I'm pretty disgusted, and I can't hold my hand any longer.
Every president of the United States swears a solemn oath to uphold the Constitution and to protect the American people. Furthermore, the president's policies, and the actions of his Administration, are supposed to be in the best interests of the American people.
Yet this President and his appointees have made it clear time and again that they are serving first the GOP. Now some of you all might say that the interests of the GOP may very well coincide with those of our nation. I can't prove otherwise, and I don't care - because that's beside the point.
You serve the country first, and hope it benefits your party. Not the other way around.
7/24 M.O.K.H.S.P., Bardstown, KY -> 9 hrs drunk sleep, 03576.2
July 25, 1:15 am, Bardstown, KY
What a great party!
Ddogg and I had a huge dinner of garlicked pasta with tomato sauce and a pound of ricotta cheese and drank Smirnoff Ice, and I surpised him with bourbon (although I don't think he was surprised. My cover story when I went and bought it? "Uh, I think I lost my shampoo. You need anything from Wal-Mart?")
Understandably, Ddogg took a nap (as it were). While he was out, this guy Bob at the next campsite invited us over for crawdads. He had five pounds of crawdads. I told him that I was superfull, having had a birthday extravaganza dinner, but thanks for the offer.
We talked about travel, and camping, and crawdads. He was an awesome guy. The following anecdote may make him sound creepy, but he wasn't creepy- he's funny and nice. This one time, having realized that he often used the phrase "Like a chicken without a head" but had never actually seen a chicken without a head, he bought a live chicken and beheaded it. His girlfriend was not amused.
Anyway, he said that in a few hours, he was gonna have some folks from work over, and was going to cook up the crawdads, and that we should come on over.
I said, "Yeah, sure. Thanks!", but I wasn't really all that sure. All that night, I was feeling sick. Not sick flu sick, but sick 8 oz ricotta cheese + Smirnoff Ice + Bourbon + half a chocolate cake sick.
I knew if I went to sleep, I wouldn't wake up. So I took a long, a looooooong shower, and felt somewhat better.
Bob had set up a party for Ddogg! His friends Pat and Marty (husband and wife, respectively) and their son Zach (Zack?) (forgot to ask) were there, and firebaked tomatoes and summer squash, and five pounds of crawdads, and a cake! They even all signed a happy birthday card for Ddogg.
This was without a doubt the best night on the road. Kentucky, I apologize. I wil not hide any poop in your state.
Ddogg and I had a huge dinner of garlicked pasta with tomato sauce and a pound of ricotta cheese and drank Smirnoff Ice, and I surpised him with bourbon (although I don't think he was surprised. My cover story when I went and bought it? "Uh, I think I lost my shampoo. You need anything from Wal-Mart?")
Understandably, Ddogg took a nap (as it were). While he was out, this guy Bob at the next campsite invited us over for crawdads. He had five pounds of crawdads. I told him that I was superfull, having had a birthday extravaganza dinner, but thanks for the offer.
We talked about travel, and camping, and crawdads. He was an awesome guy. The following anecdote may make him sound creepy, but he wasn't creepy- he's funny and nice. This one time, having realized that he often used the phrase "Like a chicken without a head" but had never actually seen a chicken without a head, he bought a live chicken and beheaded it. His girlfriend was not amused.
Anyway, he said that in a few hours, he was gonna have some folks from work over, and was going to cook up the crawdads, and that we should come on over.
I said, "Yeah, sure. Thanks!", but I wasn't really all that sure. All that night, I was feeling sick. Not sick flu sick, but sick 8 oz ricotta cheese + Smirnoff Ice + Bourbon + half a chocolate cake sick.
I knew if I went to sleep, I wouldn't wake up. So I took a long, a looooooong shower, and felt somewhat better.
Bob had set up a party for Ddogg! His friends Pat and Marty (husband and wife, respectively) and their son Zach (Zack?) (forgot to ask) were there, and firebaked tomatoes and summer squash, and five pounds of crawdads, and a cake! They even all signed a happy birthday card for Ddogg.
This was without a doubt the best night on the road. Kentucky, I apologize. I wil not hide any poop in your state.
02 August 2006
July 24, 12:31 pm, Bardstown, KY
It's Ddogg's birthday! Huzzah!
We're sitting in a club called Jazzy's, which only plays country music (long story).
But it's quite good country music. Not the country-pop-crap. And check out the refrains to two separate songs:
"Where's all the freedom that we're fightin' for?"
and
""God bless the U.S. Army, but it's time to get out of Iraq!"
7/23 My Old Kentucky Home State Park, Bardstown, KY ->8 hrs, 03559.8
We're sitting in a club called Jazzy's, which only plays country music (long story).
But it's quite good country music. Not the country-pop-crap. And check out the refrains to two separate songs:
"Where's all the freedom that we're fightin' for?"
and
""God bless the U.S. Army, but it's time to get out of Iraq!"
7/23 My Old Kentucky Home State Park, Bardstown, KY ->8 hrs, 03559.8
July 24, 10:30 am, Bardstown, KY
Smoking Parliament Full Flavors. I can see why most people smoke the Lights.
Not to besmirch the good name of Benson and Hedges, Inc, but these cigarettes could do with a little less flavor. A lot less, really.
Serves me right for smoking, anyhow.
Dammit.
Not to besmirch the good name of Benson and Hedges, Inc, but these cigarettes could do with a little less flavor. A lot less, really.
Serves me right for smoking, anyhow.
Dammit.
July 23, 9:57 pm, Bardstown, KY
Ddogg brought back cheddar cheese from Wal-Mart! Alright! Ddogg saves the day!
7/22 Pioneer Playhouse, Danville, KY -> 9 hrs fitful, 03497.15
7/22 Pioneer Playhouse, Danville, KY -> 9 hrs fitful, 03497.15
July 23, 9:03 pm, Bardstown, KY
WARNING - Poop related post (surprise!) with a censored but still somewhat readable swear word
1) Oh gosh.
I'm still not right, gastrointestine-wise. If me bowels get any looser, I'll be emitting a fine mist. Ddogg suggests that I eat the other cheese-like thing, to bind me up. That's certainly what happened last time.
This "cheese" is a cheddar-based garlic-flavored thing. I don't know, I really don't. I may be going to far. Eating the garlic-cheddar would be quite the disproportionate response, even as bad as I've been. That stuff is Agent Orange Cheese. It's like the h-bomb for my a-hole.
We'll see.
At least I don't have any bourbon in me. That wouldn't help sloppy colon at all.
Isn't it always something? To paraphrase the late great Erma Bombeck, "If life is a bowl of cherries, why do I always get the sh*ts?"
2) So we pulled into bourbon county today. And I'm like, "Wazoo!" And but it's Sunday, and they don't sell liquor here on Sundays. So now I'm all, "Boo!"
And the worst part of this is, is that I didn't find out about the Blue Laws until after I walked into the Skinner box that is the Bourbon Heritage Center's Gift Shop. In said Gift Shop is this device, wherein you push a button, and fine barrel-aged bourbon smell is shot at your face.
I admit it - I stood in front of the machine and pushed the button. At least three times.
And then I found out that I couldn't actually buy bourbon, only smell it.
You will pay for this, Kentucky! Maybe I will eat that "cheese" after all, and poop someplace where you all won't find it for at least a week.
I will upper-decker your entire state! Yes, yes, this is deviously delicious. I will drop the super-bitter-sorta-cheddar-upper-decker. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaa!
Watch it, Kentucky. I just might.
1) Oh gosh.
I'm still not right, gastrointestine-wise. If me bowels get any looser, I'll be emitting a fine mist. Ddogg suggests that I eat the other cheese-like thing, to bind me up. That's certainly what happened last time.
This "cheese" is a cheddar-based garlic-flavored thing. I don't know, I really don't. I may be going to far. Eating the garlic-cheddar would be quite the disproportionate response, even as bad as I've been. That stuff is Agent Orange Cheese. It's like the h-bomb for my a-hole.
We'll see.
At least I don't have any bourbon in me. That wouldn't help sloppy colon at all.
Isn't it always something? To paraphrase the late great Erma Bombeck, "If life is a bowl of cherries, why do I always get the sh*ts?"
2) So we pulled into bourbon county today. And I'm like, "Wazoo!" And but it's Sunday, and they don't sell liquor here on Sundays. So now I'm all, "Boo!"
And the worst part of this is, is that I didn't find out about the Blue Laws until after I walked into the Skinner box that is the Bourbon Heritage Center's Gift Shop. In said Gift Shop is this device, wherein you push a button, and fine barrel-aged bourbon smell is shot at your face.
I admit it - I stood in front of the machine and pushed the button. At least three times.
And then I found out that I couldn't actually buy bourbon, only smell it.
You will pay for this, Kentucky! Maybe I will eat that "cheese" after all, and poop someplace where you all won't find it for at least a week.
I will upper-decker your entire state! Yes, yes, this is deviously delicious. I will drop the super-bitter-sorta-cheddar-upper-decker. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaa!
Watch it, Kentucky. I just might.
31 July 2006
July 23, 3:16 pm, Bardstown, KY
I cannot for the life of me figure out why people keep asking me for directions! One out of every three days I am asked for directions. Do I look like a local? Maybe. I have a theory:
Perhaps every town has this one guy who is, shall we say, a little touched in the head. He's highly functioning, maybe even has a part-time job at Wal-Mart. He gets to and from the local Wal-Mart on his 50-cc scooter. And he always wears his helmet! And he always wears his goggles.
Even though they hurt his nose!
And maybe, just maybe, he looks a little something like this:
July 23, 2:40 pm, Bardstown, KY
Trying to keep mind out of the gutter that is my bottom. Concentrate, crampy-san!
They sell ice in this town that's advertised as "Better than homemade!"
The NPR affiliate is WUKY. "NPR that rocks." I heard both Peter Sagal and Ira Glass intone, "You're listening WUKY, NPR that rocks!" It is amusing.
This isn't working.
They sell ice in this town that's advertised as "Better than homemade!"
The NPR affiliate is WUKY. "NPR that rocks." I heard both Peter Sagal and Ira Glass intone, "You're listening WUKY, NPR that rocks!" It is amusing.
This isn't working.
July 23, 12:00 pm, Texas, KY
One Scooter's Haikus for Youse's Computers:
1) good Kentucky folk
you can't understand my speech
I know how y'all feel
2) so many cattle
glad I don't have to count them
or clean up their poop
3) objects in rearview
mirror may appear to be
driving up my ass
4) the wind in my hair
a wide smile upon my face
bugs in hair and teeth
5) hold it til Bardstown
oh man oh man oh my LORD!
you can do it, champ
1) good Kentucky folk
you can't understand my speech
I know how y'all feel
2) so many cattle
glad I don't have to count them
or clean up their poop
3) objects in rearview
mirror may appear to be
driving up my ass
4) the wind in my hair
a wide smile upon my face
bugs in hair and teeth
5) hold it til Bardstown
oh man oh man oh my LORD!
you can do it, champ
July 22, 5:52 pm, Lancaster, Ky
1) Made my own Mr. Pibb today. Serviceable, but not good. Man....
2) It goes by many different names. Some call it "the runs", some "mudbut", others "Montezuma's Revenge". I call it "Taco Bell's Cannon".
Whatever one calls it, I have it, and I don't like it. I think it's from that Mexican Food. I hadn't eaten meat in weeks! And then I ate three chicken tacos. (Also, Ddogg bought me pickled jerky this afternoon, but that's a little to soon to be causing this kind of devastation (I think). This is bad, people!)
Remember when I said that it was like Christmas in my mouth? Well, now it's the middle of January, and the tree got all dry and brown and I had to throw it out. And it only fit through one door. Barely.
Here's hoping I make it to Danville intact.
7/21 Oh KY! RV Park, Berea (just outside), KY -> 9 hrs, 03449.1
2) It goes by many different names. Some call it "the runs", some "mudbut", others "Montezuma's Revenge". I call it "Taco Bell's Cannon".
Whatever one calls it, I have it, and I don't like it. I think it's from that Mexican Food. I hadn't eaten meat in weeks! And then I ate three chicken tacos. (Also, Ddogg bought me pickled jerky this afternoon, but that's a little to soon to be causing this kind of devastation (I think). This is bad, people!)
Remember when I said that it was like Christmas in my mouth? Well, now it's the middle of January, and the tree got all dry and brown and I had to throw it out. And it only fit through one door. Barely.
Here's hoping I make it to Danville intact.
7/21 Oh KY! RV Park, Berea (just outside), KY -> 9 hrs, 03449.1
July 22, 3:18 pm, Paint Lick, KY
1) Last night - Peter, Paul, and Mary did it ever rain last night. We got our tents set up at an RV Campground, just as the maelstrom descended. Fat lot of good the tents did, though. The winds were strong enough that I didn't feel safe in my tent. I don't think I'll ever feel safe in a moving tent. Also, I am a good planner, and I set my tent up next to a cove of flimsy-looking trees.
As you can predict, I ran like a ninny into the RV Campground Laundry Room. Did some laundry (much needed laundry), talked on the phone with Mary and Steve, listened to a whole show of Johnny Cash music on NPR, drank some Miller High Life Lite which this guy donated to us, killed time, et cetera.
Spend a lot of time chatting with this fellow named Paul, who is now retired, but who used to be a fire fighter and then a police officer in Madison County (of which Berea is a part). I learned quite a bit about firefighting.
For instance, did you know that there's something called a Red Team? That's a contingent of the firefighters who are there only to rescue other firefighters. If you try and use their tools, you will get your ass chewed out.
2) Today - in an effort to quit smoking, I bought the cheapest, worst pack of cigarettes I could find. The brand? "Kentucky's Best".
And I don't think they're kidding.
As you can predict, I ran like a ninny into the RV Campground Laundry Room. Did some laundry (much needed laundry), talked on the phone with Mary and Steve, listened to a whole show of Johnny Cash music on NPR, drank some Miller High Life Lite which this guy donated to us, killed time, et cetera.
Spend a lot of time chatting with this fellow named Paul, who is now retired, but who used to be a fire fighter and then a police officer in Madison County (of which Berea is a part). I learned quite a bit about firefighting.
For instance, did you know that there's something called a Red Team? That's a contingent of the firefighters who are there only to rescue other firefighters. If you try and use their tools, you will get your ass chewed out.
2) Today - in an effort to quit smoking, I bought the cheapest, worst pack of cigarettes I could find. The brand? "Kentucky's Best".
And I don't think they're kidding.
July 21, 4:22 pm, Berea, KY
I am having a lunch of tacos and tortillas @ El Rio Grande Mexican Restaurant. Mmmmmmme gusto! Two, count' em, TWO kinds of hot sauce, red and green. It's like Christmas morning in my mouth.
The waitress asked me if I would like anything to drink, and I said, "Water, please." I got a blank look in return. "Oh, um, wah-terr, please." Gritos y exclamaciones, and I got my wah-terr.
Wow, seriously, this is some good grub. Who knew one could get good Mexican food in Kentucky? Three chicken tacos for $3!
I guess, of all the cities in KY that I've seen so far, it figures that Berea would be the city with good Mexican cuisine. Berea reminds me of Santa Fe, except with no adobe in sight. A lot of local artists, though, displaying their wares.
The artists sell something called "Hot Flash Beads". I thought maybe I'd get some for my Mom, but I figure that that is treading into verrry uncertain territory. If she's not menopausal, it's a mite insulting. If she is, she might be moody anyway, and be all like, "And why do you assume that I'm going through The Change? Answer me! Answer me!! Why is it so hot in here?" and then fly into a conniption.
Where was I? Oh yeah, if you do come to Kentucky, be sure to stop by Berea.
(p.s.- I am allowed to make menopause jokes about my Mom, because my hairline is receding. Thanks again for the good genes, mother of mine!)
7/20 Booneville Presbyterian Church, Booneville, KY -> 9 hrs, 03356.1
The waitress asked me if I would like anything to drink, and I said, "Water, please." I got a blank look in return. "Oh, um, wah-terr, please." Gritos y exclamaciones, and I got my wah-terr.
Wow, seriously, this is some good grub. Who knew one could get good Mexican food in Kentucky? Three chicken tacos for $3!
I guess, of all the cities in KY that I've seen so far, it figures that Berea would be the city with good Mexican cuisine. Berea reminds me of Santa Fe, except with no adobe in sight. A lot of local artists, though, displaying their wares.
The artists sell something called "Hot Flash Beads". I thought maybe I'd get some for my Mom, but I figure that that is treading into verrry uncertain territory. If she's not menopausal, it's a mite insulting. If she is, she might be moody anyway, and be all like, "And why do you assume that I'm going through The Change? Answer me! Answer me!! Why is it so hot in here?" and then fly into a conniption.
Where was I? Oh yeah, if you do come to Kentucky, be sure to stop by Berea.
(p.s.- I am allowed to make menopause jokes about my Mom, because my hairline is receding. Thanks again for the good genes, mother of mine!)
7/20 Booneville Presbyterian Church, Booneville, KY -> 9 hrs, 03356.1
28 July 2006
July 21, 9:50 am, Pleasant Grove, KY
1) I am slightly lost. In the Town of Beattyville (pronounced "Beidle"), home of the Wooly Worm Festival. How do I know? As you approach the city limits, there is a giant sign bragging "Home of the Wooly Worm Festival!".
2) Somebody's been shooting the water towers!
3) Last night, the pastor thought I was British. I don't know what's happening to my accent.
4) Audley Gay is running for County Judge Executive. So it is possible that by this time next year, Kentucky may allow Gay marriages. Is this unusual? Let's ask candidate for Circuit Judge, Mr. Tom Jones.
Just lovely. And by that, I mean Gary Lovely, candidate for sheriff. Although he's running up against a Mr. Short, who has the best signs of all - "ELECT SHORT SHERIFF!"
You gotta love this commonwealth.
5) at the birthplace of Earle B. Combs. Centerfielder for the Yankees 1924-1935, coach for 36-43. Helped NY win 11 pennants and 9 World Series.
Lifetime batting average of .325!
Live from 1899-1976.
Happy late Father's Day, pops.
2) Somebody's been shooting the water towers!
3) Last night, the pastor thought I was British. I don't know what's happening to my accent.
4) Audley Gay is running for County Judge Executive. So it is possible that by this time next year, Kentucky may allow Gay marriages. Is this unusual? Let's ask candidate for Circuit Judge, Mr. Tom Jones.
Just lovely. And by that, I mean Gary Lovely, candidate for sheriff. Although he's running up against a Mr. Short, who has the best signs of all - "ELECT SHORT SHERIFF!"
You gotta love this commonwealth.
5) at the birthplace of Earle B. Combs. Centerfielder for the Yankees 1924-1935, coach for 36-43. Helped NY win 11 pennants and 9 World Series.
Lifetime batting average of .325!
Live from 1899-1976.
Happy late Father's Day, pops.
July 20, 7:54 pm, Booneville, KY
Forget my earlier post. Day is now awful.
[long ranty post ignored - ed.]
The less said the better. And I started smoking again.
I hate my brain.
7/19 Buckhorn State Park, Buckhorn, KY 12 hours!!, 03333.5
[long ranty post ignored - ed.]
The less said the better. And I started smoking again.
I hate my brain.
7/19 Buckhorn State Park, Buckhorn, KY 12 hours!!, 03333.5
July 20, 11:44 am, Buckhorn Lake Campground, in Breathitt County, KY
Sweet baby James! Boy do I ever feel refreshed. Went to bed last night around 9:30, fell asleep sometime around 11. Woke up proper this morning at 11:11! I feel so great.
I just started to eat a hard-boiled egg, and but it was slightly bad (smelled funny and tasted tingly - only a day old, but kept in the heat allll day - go figure..) ->even this can't ruin my day. I am too refreshed!
So we stayed, and are in, a park managed by the Army Corps of Engineers. If Ddogg defaces the property, or I discharge a lethal weapon outside of authorized areas, we face prosecution under the Flood Control Act of 1970. Oooh, no! not the dreaded Flood Control Act of 1970!
Childish sarcasm aside - the Army Corps of Engineers derives their modern mandate from the FLOOD CONTROL ACT? My irony detector just exploded in my hand.
I just started to eat a hard-boiled egg, and but it was slightly bad (smelled funny and tasted tingly - only a day old, but kept in the heat allll day - go figure..) ->even this can't ruin my day. I am too refreshed!
So we stayed, and are in, a park managed by the Army Corps of Engineers. If Ddogg defaces the property, or I discharge a lethal weapon outside of authorized areas, we face prosecution under the Flood Control Act of 1970. Oooh, no! not the dreaded Flood Control Act of 1970!
Childish sarcasm aside - the Army Corps of Engineers derives their modern mandate from the FLOOD CONTROL ACT? My irony detector just exploded in my hand.
July 19, 9:00 pm, I don't care where I am, KY
Hurrah!
No smoking today. At all.
7/18 the Madden's Hostel, Pippa Pass, KY -> 7.5 hrs, 03227.1
No smoking today. At all.
7/18 the Madden's Hostel, Pippa Pass, KY -> 7.5 hrs, 03227.1
July 19, 1:34 pm, guess where I am, KY
Because your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my crap is it ever scary to be sharing the road with coal trucks. It's bad enough when they come looming up behind me in the right-hand lane.
But it's something else entirely when they drive past in the opposing lane, and the wash threatens to knock me down. Holy sherbert!
Oh my crap is it ever scary to be sharing the road with coal trucks. It's bad enough when they come looming up behind me in the right-hand lane.
But it's something else entirely when they drive past in the opposing lane, and the wash threatens to knock me down. Holy sherbert!
July 19, 12:47 pm, still don't know where I am, KY
Boy, is it ever hot. I tell ya, it's so hot..
("How hot is it?")
It's so hot that we've been sitting underneath gas-pump awning since I made my last plog entry.
(rimshot).
Gotta love the classics.
The heat index is well above 100 today, and the only shade we can find is next to gasoline pumps. I'm kind of afraid that the pumps might burst into flame, but I don't care - I'm not moving.
("How hot is it?")
It's so hot that we've been sitting underneath gas-pump awning since I made my last plog entry.
(rimshot).
Gotta love the classics.
The heat index is well above 100 today, and the only shade we can find is next to gasoline pumps. I'm kind of afraid that the pumps might burst into flame, but I don't care - I'm not moving.
July 19, 11:09 am, ??, KY, part 2
So much of the road here appears to have been hewn through the underlying rock. The exposed rock faces are pretty neat to drive past. Miles and miles of striated strara, blowing past me at 35 mph.
It's wonderful to imagine 200 million years ago, when all of this state was at the bottom of an ocean. (And not wonderful = great. I'm not trying to insult the good people of Kentucky here. Wonderful = 'I am full of wonder' (although being at the bottom of an ocean would be "wonderful" wonderful in that it would give Kentucky a good non-inbreeding excuse for having blue folk.)).
It's wonderful to imagine 200 million years ago, when all of this state was at the bottom of an ocean. (And not wonderful = great. I'm not trying to insult the good people of Kentucky here. Wonderful = 'I am full of wonder' (although being at the bottom of an ocean would be "wonderful" wonderful in that it would give Kentucky a good non-inbreeding excuse for having blue folk.)).
25 July 2006
July 19, 11:09 am, ??, KY, part 1
Got lost for quuuuite a bit, and wound up in Rowdy, KY. Now, I may be wrong, but I think I was in the land of the blue people.
Saw a whole bunch of mail boxes with the name Fugate on 'em, and a street called Hardshell Fugate Fork (or Pike). And I know that the Blue Fugates lived in Kentucky.
For those of you who think I am crazy (or high) - I am neither. Well, at least not high. I can't remember the name of the condition, but it really did give folks blue skin. The condition is also (I think) a side effect of an early aspirin substitute that Tylenol replaced (for obvious reasons).
Anyway, that's that.
Saw a whole bunch of mail boxes with the name Fugate on 'em, and a street called Hardshell Fugate Fork (or Pike). And I know that the Blue Fugates lived in Kentucky.
For those of you who think I am crazy (or high) - I am neither. Well, at least not high. I can't remember the name of the condition, but it really did give folks blue skin. The condition is also (I think) a side effect of an early aspirin substitute that Tylenol replaced (for obvious reasons).
Anyway, that's that.
July 19, 7:34 am, Hindman, KY
Right near Hazard County - and ironically the only place that's sending out the NPR vibes. WEKH!
I just heard (via NPR) that a 28-year-old man from Hindman, Jason Mosely, was killed yesterday in a cave-in at a nearby mine. Counting my blessings.
I just heard (via NPR) that a 28-year-old man from Hindman, Jason Mosely, was killed yesterday in a cave-in at a nearby mine. Counting my blessings.
July 19, 6:54 am, Pippa Pass, KY
Near Mary Lloyd College.
It is too early for my kind to be driving, gargantutron helmet or no. I pulled into a Texaco and got a large coffee. And for gas station coffee, it sure is delicious. Then again, all coffee is delicious before 7 am. Groan.
You know how I know I'm in the mountains? Because it's so damned foggy that I can't see any mountains.
So here's the lyrics to a song in my head since like at least Ephrata:
Oh, I like my lady like Pol Pot liked to garden.
In the Killing fields
of the Khmer Rouge
even a soft heart has to harden.
See the headless crowd standing underground,
like carrots.
Disembodies heads gathered into beds,
like cabbage.
Well, I like my lady like leather likes to cure.
And my lady likes me
like the birds on the sea love a shipwreck.
It is too early for my kind to be driving, gargantutron helmet or no. I pulled into a Texaco and got a large coffee. And for gas station coffee, it sure is delicious. Then again, all coffee is delicious before 7 am. Groan.
You know how I know I'm in the mountains? Because it's so damned foggy that I can't see any mountains.
So here's the lyrics to a song in my head since like at least Ephrata:
Oh, I like my lady like Pol Pot liked to garden.
In the Killing fields
of the Khmer Rouge
even a soft heart has to harden.
See the headless crowd standing underground,
like carrots.
Disembodies heads gathered into beds,
like cabbage.
Well, I like my lady like leather likes to cure.
And my lady likes me
like the birds on the sea love a shipwreck.
July 18, 8:20 pm, Ashcamp?, KY
Well well. Kentucky certainly is its own state (commonwealth? how many damn commonwealths (commonwealthes?) are there?).
Nowhere else have I seen baloney salad (like chicken salad, except pink). Milk comes in yellow containers, not clear, so it looks like a gallon of margarine. And man alive are the sides of the road dirty! Kentucky makes Virginia look clean enough to eat off of.
No crap - In 1/10th of a mile, I counted 97 separate pieces of litter. Which is both disgusting and uncanny.
This is the second time in a week that compulsive counting has totaled 97. Sigh. Now I must start counting the number of times my counting yields 97.
so far, 2. I'll keep y'all posted.
And no smoking today, at all! Bully for me!
7/17 The Breaks Interstate Park, at the border of VA and KY ->9 hrs, 03150.4
Nowhere else have I seen baloney salad (like chicken salad, except pink). Milk comes in yellow containers, not clear, so it looks like a gallon of margarine. And man alive are the sides of the road dirty! Kentucky makes Virginia look clean enough to eat off of.
No crap - In 1/10th of a mile, I counted 97 separate pieces of litter. Which is both disgusting and uncanny.
This is the second time in a week that compulsive counting has totaled 97. Sigh. Now I must start counting the number of times my counting yields 97.
so far, 2. I'll keep y'all posted.
And no smoking today, at all! Bully for me!
7/17 The Breaks Interstate Park, at the border of VA and KY ->9 hrs, 03150.4
July 18, 12:04 pm, Elk Horn City, KY
25 cent coffee!
At this price, I can drink like six or seven.
I am in heaven.
At this price, I can drink like six or seven.
I am in heaven.
July 18, didn't record the time, Pike County, KY
1) Sweetness and light! We made it out of Virginia!! And it only took two weeks.
Now, I'm sitting on the border of Pike County, where either the Hatfields or the McCoys lived. Can somebody look up a little H & McC history for me? I have heard two versions of how the feud started - either one group shot a member of the other group during the Civil War, or somebody stole somebody's pig (or maybe shot the pig - maybe during the Civil War?). Much appreciated.
Also appreciated will be creative stories, wherein a pig in a Union suit shoots a member of the Hatfields. bonus points for using the phrase, "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a sniper!"
2) Bad night's sleep last night. Bad dreams and rocky ground. My neck is killing me, and the ginormous helmet strapped to my noggin isn't helping matters, not at all.
Now, I'm sitting on the border of Pike County, where either the Hatfields or the McCoys lived. Can somebody look up a little H & McC history for me? I have heard two versions of how the feud started - either one group shot a member of the other group during the Civil War, or somebody stole somebody's pig (or maybe shot the pig - maybe during the Civil War?). Much appreciated.
Also appreciated will be creative stories, wherein a pig in a Union suit shoots a member of the Hatfields. bonus points for using the phrase, "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a sniper!"
2) Bad night's sleep last night. Bad dreams and rocky ground. My neck is killing me, and the ginormous helmet strapped to my noggin isn't helping matters, not at all.
July 17, 12:33pm, Haysi, VA
1) I'm stopped next a market, becuase boy am I hot. I just spoke with a fellow who is interested in buying a scooter. He is named Mr. F___, real first name Pridemore, but goes by Cletus (understandably).
His grandfather bestowed the name Pridemore on him, in honor of a local law enforecement officer from way back in the day (late 1920s or so). The local law had a bit of a feud with a federal agent. Seems the two of them had bad blood, all because of a woman. So they shot eachother to death in front of the local courthouse.
Mr. F____ was thinking about getting a Suzuki, but the Suzuki people told him $4000. After visiting with yours truly, he may get a Ruckus.
2) Also, when the pioneers traveled across our great country in their horse-drawn wagons, what did they do to slow their descent when they went downhill? We have had some wicked downhills. Did wagons have brakes? What kind of brakes? I want to ask Ddogg, but I'm afraid he'll just fix me with that look.
7/16 Elk County Methodist Church (no bugs!) -> 9.5 hrs, 03105.2
His grandfather bestowed the name Pridemore on him, in honor of a local law enforecement officer from way back in the day (late 1920s or so). The local law had a bit of a feud with a federal agent. Seems the two of them had bad blood, all because of a woman. So they shot eachother to death in front of the local courthouse.
Mr. F____ was thinking about getting a Suzuki, but the Suzuki people told him $4000. After visiting with yours truly, he may get a Ruckus.
2) Also, when the pioneers traveled across our great country in their horse-drawn wagons, what did they do to slow their descent when they went downhill? We have had some wicked downhills. Did wagons have brakes? What kind of brakes? I want to ask Ddogg, but I'm afraid he'll just fix me with that look.
7/16 Elk County Methodist Church (no bugs!) -> 9.5 hrs, 03105.2
July 17, 10:45 am, Elk Garden, VA
A quick quiz:
The local ambulance company drums up business by...
a) Adopting and maintaining some of the local roads.
b) Sponsoring the annual Health Fair.
c) Pulling up alongside you when you're shooting down the highway as fast as you can go, cranking on the loudspeaker, booming "WHAT'S THE CAMERA FOR?", and attempting to carry on an involved conversation as you obviously try to make a left turn.
Any guesses?
The local ambulance company drums up business by...
a) Adopting and maintaining some of the local roads.
b) Sponsoring the annual Health Fair.
c) Pulling up alongside you when you're shooting down the highway as fast as you can go, cranking on the loudspeaker, booming "WHAT'S THE CAMERA FOR?", and attempting to carry on an involved conversation as you obviously try to make a left turn.
Any guesses?
July 16, 6:17 pm
1000 MILES! WASOME!
And but we're still in Virginia.
Harrumph..
7/15 Wytheville City Park (a.k.a. Withers Park) -> 7 hrs, 03018.2
And but we're still in Virginia.
Harrumph..
7/15 Wytheville City Park (a.k.a. Withers Park) -> 7 hrs, 03018.2
July 16 4:59 pm, Hayter's Gap, VA
Go to Meadowview (it's almost a ghost town), and then take 80 to Hayter's Gap. There, you will find the most beautiful view I've yet seen. Imagine what Kelly Drive will look like after it dies and goes to heaven.
Wowsers.
Wowsers.
July 16, 3:47 pm, you guessed it - Virginia!
There is no Mr. Pibb. At all.
Anywhere.
Only Pibb Xtra, which just isn't the same. One of the reasons I agreed to this trip was that I knew we were gonna be southbound, and that's where you can get Mr. Pibb (also, Swat's cafeteria, for some reason).
I'm almost like distraught.
Anywhere.
Only Pibb Xtra, which just isn't the same. One of the reasons I agreed to this trip was that I knew we were gonna be southbound, and that's where you can get Mr. Pibb (also, Swat's cafeteria, for some reason).
I'm almost like distraught.
July 16, 1:53 pm, in Virginia, STILL
1) Yesterday, Ddogg said that there were tons of snakes about. All I saw were five sticks and one long-ish piece of rope. Today I saw my first snake, a big black one! All right!
2) I am in love with a woman whom I have only heard. And I quote: "In high school, her father told her that she should probably not attempt to sing--or even speak--professionally, as it was 'a nuisance to others.'" My kind of woman!
and she's coming to philly (although I'll probably be in like Colorado somewhere.
anyamarina.com
3) 2 questions
a) What the hell is a Ruritan? I keep seeing signs for them, where they have adopted local roads and such. Never seen the word before this trip. I picture Scooby and Shaggy dressed as pilgrims.
b) You know what's great about driving a 50cc Honda Ruckus? When one sees a sign that says "Reduced speed ahead", one does not have to do a thing, because one is already doing 35 mph tops.
4) Hey now - NASCAR on the radio. Listen with bated breath as the pit crew changes a driver's tire! Jeff Gordon's car is slightly dented!! Lap 97!!! Burton doesn't stop in the pit!!!!
And people say that NPR is boring..
5) Been on Lee Highway for a loong time. It's nice, because every intersection is now an adverb. Firstly, Kokomoly, Mainly, Periwinkly, Industrial Highwayly, Trailer Parkly.
Sorry Cathy. no Cathy Lee. I looked. For hours.
2) I am in love with a woman whom I have only heard. And I quote: "In high school, her father told her that she should probably not attempt to sing--or even speak--professionally, as it was 'a nuisance to others.'" My kind of woman!
and she's coming to philly (although I'll probably be in like Colorado somewhere.
anyamarina.com
3) 2 questions
a) What the hell is a Ruritan? I keep seeing signs for them, where they have adopted local roads and such. Never seen the word before this trip. I picture Scooby and Shaggy dressed as pilgrims.
b) You know what's great about driving a 50cc Honda Ruckus? When one sees a sign that says "Reduced speed ahead", one does not have to do a thing, because one is already doing 35 mph tops.
4) Hey now - NASCAR on the radio. Listen with bated breath as the pit crew changes a driver's tire! Jeff Gordon's car is slightly dented!! Lap 97!!! Burton doesn't stop in the pit!!!!
And people say that NPR is boring..
5) Been on Lee Highway for a loong time. It's nice, because every intersection is now an adverb. Firstly, Kokomoly, Mainly, Periwinkly, Industrial Highwayly, Trailer Parkly.
Sorry Cathy. no Cathy Lee. I looked. For hours.
24 July 2006
July 16, 11:50 am, Marion, VA
1) Good food in heaven above! Why is it this hot? Hasn't anyone watched An Inconvenient Truth?
I am hiding in a sliver of shadow next to a Marathon foodmart. The shadow keeps moving, and I just don't have the stamina to move with it. I think I'll just shrivel up here for a little bit. There's a coke machine right around the corner, but I don't wanna risk the sunlight.
Oh, and by the way - there is a special motorcyclist/scooter greeting. It's the left-handed wave! you see, the throttle (that's the gas, for all you four-wheeled lamoes out there) is controlled by the right hand. So to greet a passing cyclist, you do something with the left hand. Some flex their wrist and stick their left hand outwards (imagine a king, eating his leg of mutton, blithely waving away a starving peasant), others stick their whole left arm down at a 45 degree angle (these tend to be anime-looking all-black-clad visored-helmet badassess). The coolest Hell's Angels bikers just unfurl their fingers a bit.
Me? I have settled on the sideways point. It seems to do the trick.
Really, I'm superenamored of the lefty greet. I feel like a Freemason or something.
The only other time I've given and gotten a lefty greet was the time I met Bob Dole and gave him the ol' Reverso (because his right hand does not work).
2) Scooty isn't doing so well. He huffs and chuggles lately, a whole lot more than he used to. I hope it's just the heat. Really, he's hard to get started, and has no pick-up. Why is that so familiar?
Oh, right. That sounds like my smoove game.
OH! Snap!
3) I think I've gotten to the bottom of Ddogg's crankiness. He said yesterday that before we set off, he made a conscious decision not to annoy me. And then so I guess I'm annoying him. And since he's annoyed, and feels that he's gone out of his way not to be annoying, well- let's do the math.
(annoyed-annoying)^2 = annoyed^2 - 2(annoyed*annoying) + annoying^2. Or something. I can't remember.
(What a crappy dork am I! I can't even remember the quadratic formula.)
anyway, I now have three missions - ride the scooter across the country, get the Cookie Lady some buffalo, and annoy Ddogg less.
I am hiding in a sliver of shadow next to a Marathon foodmart. The shadow keeps moving, and I just don't have the stamina to move with it. I think I'll just shrivel up here for a little bit. There's a coke machine right around the corner, but I don't wanna risk the sunlight.
Oh, and by the way - there is a special motorcyclist/scooter greeting. It's the left-handed wave! you see, the throttle (that's the gas, for all you four-wheeled lamoes out there) is controlled by the right hand. So to greet a passing cyclist, you do something with the left hand. Some flex their wrist and stick their left hand outwards (imagine a king, eating his leg of mutton, blithely waving away a starving peasant), others stick their whole left arm down at a 45 degree angle (these tend to be anime-looking all-black-clad visored-helmet badassess). The coolest Hell's Angels bikers just unfurl their fingers a bit.
Me? I have settled on the sideways point. It seems to do the trick.
Really, I'm superenamored of the lefty greet. I feel like a Freemason or something.
The only other time I've given and gotten a lefty greet was the time I met Bob Dole and gave him the ol' Reverso (because his right hand does not work).
2) Scooty isn't doing so well. He huffs and chuggles lately, a whole lot more than he used to. I hope it's just the heat. Really, he's hard to get started, and has no pick-up. Why is that so familiar?
Oh, right. That sounds like my smoove game.
OH! Snap!
3) I think I've gotten to the bottom of Ddogg's crankiness. He said yesterday that before we set off, he made a conscious decision not to annoy me. And then so I guess I'm annoying him. And since he's annoyed, and feels that he's gone out of his way not to be annoying, well- let's do the math.
(annoyed-annoying)^2 = annoyed^2 - 2(annoyed*annoying) + annoying^2. Or something. I can't remember.
(What a crappy dork am I! I can't even remember the quadratic formula.)
anyway, I now have three missions - ride the scooter across the country, get the Cookie Lady some buffalo, and annoy Ddogg less.
July 16, 10:21 am, somewhere outside of Wytheville
"Wait Wait Don't Tell me" on a Sunday? I'm discombobulated. Also, Peter Sagal just said, "Humongous bazoongas" on NPR. Really discombobulated.
Man! So there's no damn shoulders on these roads, and only 1 lane of traffic, and no passing, and coal trucks. Biiiig heavy coal trucks, laden with tons of anthracite. Oh, and off to my right, a sheer drop leading to a steep ravine, which feeds into a river valley however many damn feet below me. On the other side, solid rock face.
Boy oh boy, do I declare shenanigans. Thank heavens I'm wearing a wickedly oversized helmet.
Man! So there's no damn shoulders on these roads, and only 1 lane of traffic, and no passing, and coal trucks. Biiiig heavy coal trucks, laden with tons of anthracite. Oh, and off to my right, a sheer drop leading to a steep ravine, which feeds into a river valley however many damn feet below me. On the other side, solid rock face.
Boy oh boy, do I declare shenanigans. Thank heavens I'm wearing a wickedly oversized helmet.
July 16, 9:05 am, Wytheville, VA
The rules:
1) No singing (I understand)
2) No addressing the camera (okay)
3) No talking to Ddogg when he's holding the camera and filming me, and is talking to me. (I give up)
Okay. I still am not sure what I am doing wrong. I will stop, though, whatever it is.
On the way to Meadowview - we're going off the route!
Says Ddogg, "Might be risking it, cuz there's nothing. No place to stay until after Hayter's Gap." Gulp.
And there are Carnies in town, with much bigger tents. Double gulp.
1) No singing (I understand)
2) No addressing the camera (okay)
3) No talking to Ddogg when he's holding the camera and filming me, and is talking to me. (I give up)
Okay. I still am not sure what I am doing wrong. I will stop, though, whatever it is.
On the way to Meadowview - we're going off the route!
Says Ddogg, "Might be risking it, cuz there's nothing. No place to stay until after Hayter's Gap." Gulp.
And there are Carnies in town, with much bigger tents. Double gulp.
21 July 2006
July 15, 9:43 pm
In another town park, this one in Wytheville, VA (big banner advertising that it's part of the triumvirite of Wytheville, Wythe, and Bland).
Pretty town, at least compared to Bland.
We were superpsyched when we arrived, because there is a pool 15 feet away from our tent site. Folks were splashing about and sounding all refreshed, and so we go to the pool. Only to be told that it's a private pool party. Also, turns out that it's a private pool. And we don't actually have bathing suits. But come on, Virginia! You're killing me..
Ddogg wants to hack, but it's dark. Hopefuly, this will not interfere with my skillz. My mad skillz.
Anna says re:smoking: "don't do it again! You can quit and you should. <3" I have no idea what <3 means (topless conehead??), but nevertheless Anna is right.
Also, update on the Protestant God chart. When we got separated (for a long time) on the 13th, Ddogg was thinking to maybe squat on the campus of Roanoke College (which is not in the city of Roanoke, but which is close to it). We didn't, as I assume y'all can figure out, but and the next day we heard that there was a massive carbon monoxide leak. One man died, one was in critical condition, and 90 were hospitalized. Alright, Lutheran God. I get your point. you have made it onto the Wrath List.
LUTHERAN GOD - ear tick, schmear tick. This one smothers people in their sleep JUST TO MAKE A POINT. This is probably the bowel-asunderer.
7/14 Budget Inn, Radford, VA -> 8 hrs, 02959.9
Pretty town, at least compared to Bland.
We were superpsyched when we arrived, because there is a pool 15 feet away from our tent site. Folks were splashing about and sounding all refreshed, and so we go to the pool. Only to be told that it's a private pool party. Also, turns out that it's a private pool. And we don't actually have bathing suits. But come on, Virginia! You're killing me..
Ddogg wants to hack, but it's dark. Hopefuly, this will not interfere with my skillz. My mad skillz.
Anna says re:smoking: "don't do it again! You can quit and you should. <3" I have no idea what <3 means (topless conehead??), but nevertheless Anna is right.
Also, update on the Protestant God chart. When we got separated (for a long time) on the 13th, Ddogg was thinking to maybe squat on the campus of Roanoke College (which is not in the city of Roanoke, but which is close to it). We didn't, as I assume y'all can figure out, but and the next day we heard that there was a massive carbon monoxide leak. One man died, one was in critical condition, and 90 were hospitalized. Alright, Lutheran God. I get your point. you have made it onto the Wrath List.
LUTHERAN GOD - ear tick, schmear tick. This one smothers people in their sleep JUST TO MAKE A POINT. This is probably the bowel-asunderer.
7/14 Budget Inn, Radford, VA -> 8 hrs, 02959.9
July 15, 4:37 pm, Wyeth County, VA
I'm stopped on the side of the road. Looking at some horses eating. Horses are very nice to watch, but beware!
I was once bitten by a horse.
Saw a VCR by the side of the road. Come on, Virginia! I mean, I can understand tossing an empty can of Coors out the window or your car, but a VCR?
Smoked a cigarette last night. Dammit. It was a Parliament Light, of Ddogg's. Then Ddogg set the pack on fire. I smoked another. And then today I came down with a horrible case of the effits. I bought a pack of Reds. Must quit! Must throw out pack!
At least, though, I made it longer than last quit. Last time, two weeks. This time, two weeks and one day. Progress!
I was once bitten by a horse.
Saw a VCR by the side of the road. Come on, Virginia! I mean, I can understand tossing an empty can of Coors out the window or your car, but a VCR?
Smoked a cigarette last night. Dammit. It was a Parliament Light, of Ddogg's. Then Ddogg set the pack on fire. I smoked another. And then today I came down with a horrible case of the effits. I bought a pack of Reds. Must quit! Must throw out pack!
At least, though, I made it longer than last quit. Last time, two weeks. This time, two weeks and one day. Progress!
July 14, 7:47 pm
For Dave and Eve
From an NPR show entitled "Says You"
three separate puzzles. What do they signify? Think Acronyms or mnemonic devies.
HOMES
WASPLEG
MAY I HAVE A LARGE CUP OF COFFEE
7/13 budget Inn, Christiansburg, VA -> motel sleep made me groggy and dumb, didn't record sleep or mileage
From an NPR show entitled "Says You"
three separate puzzles. What do they signify? Think Acronyms or mnemonic devies.
HOMES
WASPLEG
MAY I HAVE A LARGE CUP OF COFFEE
7/13 budget Inn, Christiansburg, VA -> motel sleep made me groggy and dumb, didn't record sleep or mileage
July 14, 2:16 pm, Radford, VA
A freak burst thunderstorm has led me into a library. Ddogg is at a bike shop, so I'm kicking back, drying off, and reading the current New Yorker, the one with the giant propane-power food-spewing barbecue on the cover. Life is good.
Also, talked to a kid named Jacob. He and Nathan Byers handcuffed themselves to the pool diving board a few years back. The town ultimately demolished the pool, but not before the two of them protested for three hours. Eventually, wire-clippers were called in.
Also, talked to a kid named Jacob. He and Nathan Byers handcuffed themselves to the pool diving board a few years back. The town ultimately demolished the pool, but not before the two of them protested for three hours. Eventually, wire-clippers were called in.
July 13, 8:59 pm, Christiansburg, VA
As you can probably tell from the Gideons' quote, we got a motel room. Motel beds are much nicer on the knees than picnic benches.
Hooray!
7/12 Troutville Town Park, Troutville, VA -> 9 hours!, 02825.3
Hooray!
7/12 Troutville Town Park, Troutville, VA -> 9 hours!, 02825.3
July 13, 5:32 pm, Christiansburg, VA
Smooth Jesus. Found this in the Gideons' Bible:
John 12:14-15
"And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written, Fear not, daughter of Sion."
Almost as good as King James' Acts of the Apostles 1:18, (my favorite since sophomore year of high school), which tells of the alternate death of Judas Iscariot. I may be a little rusty, so bear with me.
"Now this man (Judas) purchased a plot of land with the reward of his iniquity. And falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out."
And THAT is what we call wrath. Ear ticks? Fuggedaboutit.
John 12:14-15
"And Jesus, when he had found a young ass, sat thereon; as it is written, Fear not, daughter of Sion."
Almost as good as King James' Acts of the Apostles 1:18, (my favorite since sophomore year of high school), which tells of the alternate death of Judas Iscariot. I may be a little rusty, so bear with me.
"Now this man (Judas) purchased a plot of land with the reward of his iniquity. And falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out."
And THAT is what we call wrath. Ear ticks? Fuggedaboutit.
July 13, 11:16 am, Elliston, VA
Okay, so I located Ddogg. He's actually behind me, still in Roanoke. As I said, I'm in Elliston in the parking lot of a gas station, getting ready to do my exercises.
50 reps of calving
50 scooter scoots
50 water lifts
The last I tend to do out of the public eye, because I look like an idiot. We'll see if I do them in this BP parking lot.
50 reps of calving
50 scooter scoots
50 water lifts
The last I tend to do out of the public eye, because I look like an idiot. We'll see if I do them in this BP parking lot.
July 13, 10:13 am, I think I'm lost
So Ddogg let me sleep in. Disaster! Good, because we slept on picnic tables, and they're not so good on the back or the knees, and so as a result I didn't sleep so well.
But disaster nonetheless! I keep losing Route 11, and I've been on the road for 2 hours and still no Ddogg. I need coffee.
Okay, just got coffee. It's 65 cents a cup. What the sweet?!
But disaster nonetheless! I keep losing Route 11, and I've been on the road for 2 hours and still no Ddogg. I need coffee.
Okay, just got coffee. It's 65 cents a cup. What the sweet?!
July 12, 2:18 pm, I don't know where I am, because I am on the side of the road and it is TOOO! WAAY! TOOO! HOT!
It was 96 degrees at noon. Oh my hell is it hot.
Also, http://naturalbridgeva.com/dinoking.html
The web site does not do the attraction justice. From their leaflet:
"It's 1863. While excavating fossils in Lost caverns, a friendly family of paleontologists have discovered a hidden valley filled with living dinosaurs. As the Garrison Family studies these creatures in peace, the Union Army has discovered their secret and is attempting to rustle up the dinos to use as weapons of mass destruction against the South. Which will devour them first, their greed or the dinosaurs?"
All bolding is theirs. And the cover of the leaflet is a Union soldier getting eaten by a dinosaur.
Yikes.
And it is super hot.
7/11 KOA Campground, near Natural Bridge, VA -> 8 hrs, 02780.4
Also, http://naturalbridgeva.com/dinoking.html
The web site does not do the attraction justice. From their leaflet:
"It's 1863. While excavating fossils in Lost caverns, a friendly family of paleontologists have discovered a hidden valley filled with living dinosaurs. As the Garrison Family studies these creatures in peace, the Union Army has discovered their secret and is attempting to rustle up the dinos to use as weapons of mass destruction against the South. Which will devour them first, their greed or the dinosaurs?"
All bolding is theirs. And the cover of the leaflet is a Union soldier getting eaten by a dinosaur.
Yikes.
And it is super hot.
7/11 KOA Campground, near Natural Bridge, VA -> 8 hrs, 02780.4
July 12, 1:20 pm, still outside of Mill Creek Cemetery, still waiting for Ddogg
Harrumph. Now that I'm doing proper statistical sampling, it seems that maybe Virginia does NOT have way too many personalized license plates.
9 out of 97 passing cars. Although 16 of them were business vehicles. And I don't know if you can personalize commercial license plates.
Anybody?
9 out of 97 passing cars. Although 16 of them were business vehicles. And I don't know if you can personalize commercial license plates.
Anybody?
July 12, 12:41 pm, outside of Buchanan, VA
Erm, I don't know if I passed Ddogg yet or not. I'm now waiting outside of the Mill Creek Baptist Cemetery. And I just ate a cheeseburger. Boy, do I missa the meat-a.
I wonder when we will ever get out of Virginia. We have been in Virginia for soooo long. Can one state (commonwealth) really be this big?
We stayed at the KOA Campground last night, which was a bit shady. I didn't fear for my person, or anything dramatic like that. But it did strike me as a bad place to raise the kids. My joke is that I wonder if KOA stands for Killed On A.
There were more mosquitos there than at every other stop, added up. My Off worked for about 20 minutes tops, just long enough for the bugs to have a drink, get to know one another, eat some dinner rolls, and maybe catch a smoke.
also, if someone has a bug on them, is it not right and proper to say, "Don't move," and then smack them? This is the way I was raised. Ddogg takes exception to this. But he had 4 (count 'em, 4) mosquitos on his forehead! No singing, no slapping bugs off Ddogg. I'm learning.
We finally did laundry and swam in a pool! Huzzah.
I have the sissiest city feet. Walking on point gravel hurt (sure, of course), but so did walking on KOA's pointy grass. Booo!
Lastly, did more license plate checks. 3 personalized out of 12 total. All cars in the Mill Creek parking lot. Then, 7 out of 74 cars that passed by.
I wonder when we will ever get out of Virginia. We have been in Virginia for soooo long. Can one state (commonwealth) really be this big?
We stayed at the KOA Campground last night, which was a bit shady. I didn't fear for my person, or anything dramatic like that. But it did strike me as a bad place to raise the kids. My joke is that I wonder if KOA stands for Killed On A.
There were more mosquitos there than at every other stop, added up. My Off worked for about 20 minutes tops, just long enough for the bugs to have a drink, get to know one another, eat some dinner rolls, and maybe catch a smoke.
also, if someone has a bug on them, is it not right and proper to say, "Don't move," and then smack them? This is the way I was raised. Ddogg takes exception to this. But he had 4 (count 'em, 4) mosquitos on his forehead! No singing, no slapping bugs off Ddogg. I'm learning.
We finally did laundry and swam in a pool! Huzzah.
I have the sissiest city feet. Walking on point gravel hurt (sure, of course), but so did walking on KOA's pointy grass. Booo!
Lastly, did more license plate checks. 3 personalized out of 12 total. All cars in the Mill Creek parking lot. Then, 7 out of 74 cars that passed by.
20 July 2006
July 11, 1:46 pm, still around Lexington-ish area
I'm enjoying a local libation called Cheerwine.
It's apparently been the original cheerwine since 1917. I am also told (by the label) that "It's Good Taste!" Tastes like the color red should.
I just got a call from Kate Brennan, who is IN CHARLOTTESVILLE! Aargh. I am very bad at keeping in touch.
Virginia is the land of personalized license plates. It is wild, how many there are. I've counted 1 out of 7, 1 out of 5, 2 out of 7, two out of 15, and 3 out of 10. And I'm being as unbiased as possible. Like, I'm not seeing one and then counting. I am picking a parking lot, and then observing how many personalized plates there are, and how many plates in toto.
I cannot figure out why Ddogg is so cross with me. Why is he so cross? We're not talking about regular crankiness, here, either. He gets exasperated if I ask any questions.
Ddogg: (on the Blue Ridge Parkway). You have to get onto the Blue Ridge parkway. There's a bridge at the entrance.
Me: (stopped, waiting next to a bridge) Is that a stone bridge?
Ddogg: I don't KNOW! Just get up here!
Me: grumble grumble snarf grouch
7/10 - out back of Gertie's country Store, Vesuvius, VA -> 6 hrs, 02743.8
It's apparently been the original cheerwine since 1917. I am also told (by the label) that "It's Good Taste!" Tastes like the color red should.
I just got a call from Kate Brennan, who is IN CHARLOTTESVILLE! Aargh. I am very bad at keeping in touch.
Virginia is the land of personalized license plates. It is wild, how many there are. I've counted 1 out of 7, 1 out of 5, 2 out of 7, two out of 15, and 3 out of 10. And I'm being as unbiased as possible. Like, I'm not seeing one and then counting. I am picking a parking lot, and then observing how many personalized plates there are, and how many plates in toto.
I cannot figure out why Ddogg is so cross with me. Why is he so cross? We're not talking about regular crankiness, here, either. He gets exasperated if I ask any questions.
Ddogg: (on the Blue Ridge Parkway). You have to get onto the Blue Ridge parkway. There's a bridge at the entrance.
Me: (stopped, waiting next to a bridge) Is that a stone bridge?
Ddogg: I don't KNOW! Just get up here!
Me: grumble grumble snarf grouch
7/10 - out back of Gertie's country Store, Vesuvius, VA -> 6 hrs, 02743.8
July 11, 1:18 pm, Lexington, VA
Warning - bathroom talk. Rated PG, but gross.
Wow. I went to poop- and I got Strooped. The library where I'm at [while plogging, not blogging - ed.], this is how the bathroom doors are marked. Pink man on the men's room, blue lady on the women's. I was momentarily flummoxed. Frozen, even, like that mule in the story where there are two equidistant piles of hay, and the mule can't make up his mind which one to eat, and dies.
Except I am experiencing too much food in the ol' alimentary canal. So that shook me out of my flum.
You see, yesterday, Ddogg and I ate this super-dense pumpernickle that doesn't (can't!) go bad, along with a (I swear) "Gouda-type food". Ddogg thought it was too gross to eat. So of course I ate the bulk of it.
And I do mean bulk. Let's just say that what snapped me out of my indecision, it was longer than my forearm. Whoa-ho-ho-HOO!
Also, I just blogged the plog, and got a container of Halt! brand dog repellant. Damn.
Gotta do laundry, and how!
Wow. I went to poop- and I got Strooped. The library where I'm at [while plogging, not blogging - ed.], this is how the bathroom doors are marked. Pink man on the men's room, blue lady on the women's. I was momentarily flummoxed. Frozen, even, like that mule in the story where there are two equidistant piles of hay, and the mule can't make up his mind which one to eat, and dies.
Except I am experiencing too much food in the ol' alimentary canal. So that shook me out of my flum.
You see, yesterday, Ddogg and I ate this super-dense pumpernickle that doesn't (can't!) go bad, along with a (I swear) "Gouda-type food". Ddogg thought it was too gross to eat. So of course I ate the bulk of it.
And I do mean bulk. Let's just say that what snapped me out of my indecision, it was longer than my forearm. Whoa-ho-ho-HOO!
Also, I just blogged the plog, and got a container of Halt! brand dog repellant. Damn.
Gotta do laundry, and how!
July 10, 4:51 pm, somewhere on the Blue Ridge Parkway in VA
Bored and full, so I'm sunning myself at Rock Point Overlook. I am approximately 3115 feet above sea level. The view of the Blue Ridges is breathtaking.
And booooooy is it ever hot..
And booooooy is it ever hot..
July 10, 12:59 pm, Afton, VA
Sat and visited with June "The Cookie Lady" Curry and Debbie, her helper. I now have a new mission (besides biking across the country with all of Ddogg's stuff). I have to find figurines for June. Buffalo, indians, cowboys, wagons, gravestones, etc. June and Debbie make tabletop dioramas, and the next one is a pioneer town.
Gave June a hug goodbye. That felt great.
Gave June a hug goodbye. That felt great.
14 July 2006
July 10, 10:47am, Afton, VA
also, what is Rat Cheese? Yesterday, I passed a store that was selling it. It can't be the obvious, can it?
More on the Cookie Lady's house:
The bike house reminds me of a house I would imagine while somebody reads 4-year-old-me a bedtime story. Tom Bombadil has got NOTHING on the Cookie Lady. This is indeed a house out of a faerie tale.
(No, though, it's not made of cookies. Although if you wanted to lure yrs truly to an untimely Grimm oven-death, building a chocolate-chip-cookie house would be the way to go about it.)
One of the things hung up on the wall is a handmade sign. There are two socks, one covered in blood, tacked to the sign. The sign reads, "Damn brakes! 9/29/84 Lou".
More on the Cookie Lady's house:
The bike house reminds me of a house I would imagine while somebody reads 4-year-old-me a bedtime story. Tom Bombadil has got NOTHING on the Cookie Lady. This is indeed a house out of a faerie tale.
(No, though, it's not made of cookies. Although if you wanted to lure yrs truly to an untimely Grimm oven-death, building a chocolate-chip-cookie house would be the way to go about it.)
One of the things hung up on the wall is a handmade sign. There are two socks, one covered in blood, tacked to the sign. The sign reads, "Damn brakes! 9/29/84 Lou".
July 10, 10:11 am, Afton, VA
Okay. I'm not out of line here, am I?
Is it overreacting if I accidentally poke my eyeball (hard) (and while I have sunscreen all over my finger) - is it overreacting to go, "Ow!"?
Sheesh. I gotta get a thicker skin. And better finger aim.
Is it overreacting if I accidentally poke my eyeball (hard) (and while I have sunscreen all over my finger) - is it overreacting to go, "Ow!"?
Sheesh. I gotta get a thicker skin. And better finger aim.
July 10, 8:59am, Afton, VA
Woke up after a good night's couch sleep. At the house of the legendary Cookie Lady! She has gotta be the bike-friendliest person I have had the pleasure to come across.
I haven't yet actually met her, yet, though.
But the house is awesome. Literally awesome. It is crammed with mementos from some of the Cookie Lady's many guests. She has hosted, by her logbooks, over 13,000 guests.
So the house is welcoming, but also weird and unlike any place I've been before. Imagine you rode your bike (or scooter) and came across an enchanted spot in the woods. Sehr eldritch.
Lost my NPR reception, and while wandering the Blue Ridge radio dial, came across the Cameron McAllister show. Creepiest. Radio. Show. In the world. Like Loveline, a call-in show for teens who need frank sexual advice. Except the whole point is, "Don't be gay."
Or actually, the point was specifically, "You are not a homosexual. Why would you say that about yourself? Don't say that about yorself. You are a Christian struggling with homesexual tendencies.
Couldn't turn the radio off. Like watching somebody get hit by a car - I couldn't not pay attention.
7/9 June "Cookie Lady" Curry's house, Afton, VA -> 8.5 hrs, 02706.6
I haven't yet actually met her, yet, though.
But the house is awesome. Literally awesome. It is crammed with mementos from some of the Cookie Lady's many guests. She has hosted, by her logbooks, over 13,000 guests.
So the house is welcoming, but also weird and unlike any place I've been before. Imagine you rode your bike (or scooter) and came across an enchanted spot in the woods. Sehr eldritch.
Lost my NPR reception, and while wandering the Blue Ridge radio dial, came across the Cameron McAllister show. Creepiest. Radio. Show. In the world. Like Loveline, a call-in show for teens who need frank sexual advice. Except the whole point is, "Don't be gay."
Or actually, the point was specifically, "You are not a homosexual. Why would you say that about yourself? Don't say that about yorself. You are a Christian struggling with homesexual tendencies.
Couldn't turn the radio off. Like watching somebody get hit by a car - I couldn't not pay attention.
7/9 June "Cookie Lady" Curry's house, Afton, VA -> 8.5 hrs, 02706.6
July 9, 1:00pm, Charlottesville, VA, Part II
This I know:
On this trip, I will either lose Ddogg, or a tooth.
7/8 Budget Inn, Charlottesville, VA ->8 hrs sleep , end of day mileage=02670.(between 8 and 9)
On this trip, I will either lose Ddogg, or a tooth.
7/8 Budget Inn, Charlottesville, VA ->8 hrs sleep , end of day mileage=02670.(between 8 and 9)
13 July 2006
July 9, 1:00 pm, Charlottesville, VA
Cville is a nice town. Civilized and bustly, yet right on the razor's edge of rurality.
However, whoever layed this place out can chomp my butt. The streets are dumb, or confusing, or both. There is both a Second Street, and a 2nd Street. And the bike shop is on one of them, and Ddogg's phone is in the bike shop, and Ddogg lost his walkie-talkie, and I lost Ddogg.
Sigh.
Anyway, I found him. And lost him many more times since then. Dave says to go to the Best Buy - go up Emmett until I find the mall.
There are at least 9 malls in a row! I check out the first two, to see if there's a Best Buy. Bupkis. I drive up Emmett, hoping to find a sign for Best Buy (turns out that it is cleverly hidden by trees and a bridge). No go.
So I call Ddogg, and he says that he's in the mall at Emmett and 29. So I'll hang a u-ey, head back down Emmett, and go to the mall at 29.
But somehow, for some god-forsaken reason, I am ON 29! Without turning. Then, when I finally do find the Best Buy, I hang a right to get into the parking lot. Except that it is actually a well-disguised highway on-ramp!
Arrgh!
However, whoever layed this place out can chomp my butt. The streets are dumb, or confusing, or both. There is both a Second Street, and a 2nd Street. And the bike shop is on one of them, and Ddogg's phone is in the bike shop, and Ddogg lost his walkie-talkie, and I lost Ddogg.
Sigh.
Anyway, I found him. And lost him many more times since then. Dave says to go to the Best Buy - go up Emmett until I find the mall.
There are at least 9 malls in a row! I check out the first two, to see if there's a Best Buy. Bupkis. I drive up Emmett, hoping to find a sign for Best Buy (turns out that it is cleverly hidden by trees and a bridge). No go.
So I call Ddogg, and he says that he's in the mall at Emmett and 29. So I'll hang a u-ey, head back down Emmett, and go to the mall at 29.
But somehow, for some god-forsaken reason, I am ON 29! Without turning. Then, when I finally do find the Best Buy, I hang a right to get into the parking lot. Except that it is actually a well-disguised highway on-ramp!
Arrgh!
July 8, 10:00 am, Mineral, VA
It's Saturday, and we're in a town of approximately 430 people. I think there is no chance in hell of picking up NPR. Around DC I had my choice of three stations!
Feast or famine, I suppose.
Bad day yesterday, for yrs truly. No idea what happened, or why, but my emotions decided to break. Beforehand, good mood. Afterwards, rotten mood. Also, Ddogg has been getting nasty, sniping my ass out over everything. No filming a picture of the Pennsylvania Irregulars - no using the spoon side of the spoon to get mustard - no tick-flicking with a pen (but okay with finger?).
Just to name a few from yesterday. I guess he's tired and cranky from exercising, but come on.
Mineral, VA is a very nice town. The volunteer firefighters let bikers stay on their property. And use their stove, and shower, and watch TV. This southern hospitality is something I could get used to.
Don't eat Virginia corn. It grows by the side of the road, and there's probably broken glass or cigarette butts in there or something.
7/7 Mineral Volunteer Firefighter Company campground ->7 hrs
Feast or famine, I suppose.
Bad day yesterday, for yrs truly. No idea what happened, or why, but my emotions decided to break. Beforehand, good mood. Afterwards, rotten mood. Also, Ddogg has been getting nasty, sniping my ass out over everything. No filming a picture of the Pennsylvania Irregulars - no using the spoon side of the spoon to get mustard - no tick-flicking with a pen (but okay with finger?).
Just to name a few from yesterday. I guess he's tired and cranky from exercising, but come on.
Mineral, VA is a very nice town. The volunteer firefighters let bikers stay on their property. And use their stove, and shower, and watch TV. This southern hospitality is something I could get used to.
Don't eat Virginia corn. It grows by the side of the road, and there's probably broken glass or cigarette butts in there or something.
7/7 Mineral Volunteer Firefighter Company campground ->7 hrs
July 7, 1:58 pm, who knows, VA
Virginia is such a beautiful state. I'll turn round a corner, and suddenly appears a landscape which brings to mind van Gogh and Renoir.
Too bad that this state is also a cesspool of litter and filth. Beer bottles, shoes, McDonalds' wrappings, empty packs of smokes, the box for a satellite dish. I have never seen so much roadside trash. And I canvassed door-to-door in New Jersey.
How much sunscreen will I go through on this trip? Start placing your bids now. I am planning on writing words on my belly. We'll see how that goes.
Jeeps - we've been driving since 9:00 am, and the whole time we've been like 50 miles away from Charlottesville. I don't know what route Ddogg has us on, but it's a doozy.
Too bad that this state is also a cesspool of litter and filth. Beer bottles, shoes, McDonalds' wrappings, empty packs of smokes, the box for a satellite dish. I have never seen so much roadside trash. And I canvassed door-to-door in New Jersey.
How much sunscreen will I go through on this trip? Start placing your bids now. I am planning on writing words on my belly. We'll see how that goes.
Jeeps - we've been driving since 9:00 am, and the whole time we've been like 50 miles away from Charlottesville. I don't know what route Ddogg has us on, but it's a doozy.
11 July 2006
July 7, 11:00 am Fredericksburg, VA
Lovely night at Mary Washington University (College?). We camped out behind a big brick block. Completely hidden - it was great. Free internet and complementary poopers. Everything was made of brick. Idyllic.
Today we have to get to Charlottesville, so Ddogg can get his new phone. The old one took a slight spill right around the same time that I lost my sunglasses.
The goggles I now wear are awful, but necessary. They make my nose hurt. If I didn't wear them, my nose would feel great and I would be blind. Flying grit has already cut my lips. Imagine what it would do to tender corneas.
7/5 Tommy's, again, Falls Church, VA-> 6.5 hrs
7/6 Mary Washington College, Fredericksburg, VA -> 6 hrs
Today we have to get to Charlottesville, so Ddogg can get his new phone. The old one took a slight spill right around the same time that I lost my sunglasses.
The goggles I now wear are awful, but necessary. They make my nose hurt. If I didn't wear them, my nose would feel great and I would be blind. Flying grit has already cut my lips. Imagine what it would do to tender corneas.
7/5 Tommy's, again, Falls Church, VA-> 6.5 hrs
7/6 Mary Washington College, Fredericksburg, VA -> 6 hrs
July 5, 6:30pm, Falls Church, VA
Still at Tommy's house. He and his wife have a daughter who is just over 1 year old. She is perhaps the happiest baby I have ever seen. Her name is Emma, and it's amazingly great to be around her. No surprise, because her parents are good people (nice like you wouldn't believe).
So I'm glad that Dave and I are rained out. Rained IN, really. Flash flood warnings until 9pm, at least. We can't even take the tent down, let alone leave.
Dave and I arrived yesterday afternoon, after accidentally getting waylaid at a 7-11 half a mile from Tom's house. Tom and Allison were at a party, and weren't getting back until 9ish. So Ddogg and I did the full-on hobo act for the neighbors. We washed ourselves from the hose, set up a tent, and cooked out dinner on our tiny gasoline stove - all in the backyard.
Then, in the middle of dinner, Ddogg tried to get a bug out of his ear. Everything was tried - flashlight shining, q-tipping, finger poking, bloodied-q-tip-stick-with-all-the-cotton-pulled-off jabbing. Nothing worked. The next step was to blare 2Live Crew into Ddogg's ear until the bugger came out.
But that could have hurt Ddogg's ear.
So he went to the ER. They used water - I suppose that's why they're doctors and we're not.
I asked him at dinner, "When did you first think you had a bug in your ear?" I guess I was picturing a scene where he wakes up and casually twirls his pinky finger in his ear canal, and he touches insect hinder, and then a look of dread passes over his face.
But he's all short-tempered and like, "I don't know!"
I say, "This afternoon or this morning?"
Even more cross, he spits out a frustrated, "I. Don't. KNOW."
I wanted to be all sassy and snap, "What crawled up your ass?" but then I know he would have hit me. He would have lunged across Tommy's deck table and strangled me.
Ddogg's ER discharge paper: "You have had a foreign body removed from your ear canal (or your child's ear canal). You may have some soreness [and] bleeding for several hours."
Yikes. Vengeful Methodist God, I fear and respect you. Please leave me be.
7/4 Tommy's, Falls Church, VA - recharge! -> 11 hours
So I'm glad that Dave and I are rained out. Rained IN, really. Flash flood warnings until 9pm, at least. We can't even take the tent down, let alone leave.
Dave and I arrived yesterday afternoon, after accidentally getting waylaid at a 7-11 half a mile from Tom's house. Tom and Allison were at a party, and weren't getting back until 9ish. So Ddogg and I did the full-on hobo act for the neighbors. We washed ourselves from the hose, set up a tent, and cooked out dinner on our tiny gasoline stove - all in the backyard.
Then, in the middle of dinner, Ddogg tried to get a bug out of his ear. Everything was tried - flashlight shining, q-tipping, finger poking, bloodied-q-tip-stick-with-all-the-cotton-pulled-off jabbing. Nothing worked. The next step was to blare 2Live Crew into Ddogg's ear until the bugger came out.
But that could have hurt Ddogg's ear.
So he went to the ER. They used water - I suppose that's why they're doctors and we're not.
I asked him at dinner, "When did you first think you had a bug in your ear?" I guess I was picturing a scene where he wakes up and casually twirls his pinky finger in his ear canal, and he touches insect hinder, and then a look of dread passes over his face.
But he's all short-tempered and like, "I don't know!"
I say, "This afternoon or this morning?"
Even more cross, he spits out a frustrated, "I. Don't. KNOW."
I wanted to be all sassy and snap, "What crawled up your ass?" but then I know he would have hit me. He would have lunged across Tommy's deck table and strangled me.
Ddogg's ER discharge paper: "You have had a foreign body removed from your ear canal (or your child's ear canal). You may have some soreness [and] bleeding for several hours."
Yikes. Vengeful Methodist God, I fear and respect you. Please leave me be.
7/4 Tommy's, Falls Church, VA - recharge! -> 11 hours
July 4, 8:30 pm
Still light out. No fireworks, but many firecrackers. Ddogg left for the hospital, after digging into his head throughout dinner.
I am sitting here by my lonesome, not smoking. Dammit.
Lost my sunglasses today, sometime after chatting it up with a really really cute blond at a gas station near Quantico. She went to Upenn. And I realized just now [editor's note - just now when writing, not when typing] that I didn't go "Heck, I worked there, fer crying out loud!"
I can't say for sure that we had chemistry, but let's just say that by the end of our chat she looked cold, but it wasn't cold out (105 degrees, with the heat index). If that's not too vague.
She was lost and I was lost, right near the George Bush Intelligence Center. (there's a scathing politico-rock song there somewhere). I'm wearing a pink-on-black Swarthmore Women's Rugby t-shirt and shortish-shorts, and unshaven and sweaty, and I'm pretty sure I smelled bad. Also, the sweat made my sunscreen turn white, so I was covered in a filmy-yeasty-Gollum slime.
But I think we had chemistry.
Why did everybody ask me for directions today? Don't I look absolutely lost? I feel it.
I am sitting here by my lonesome, not smoking. Dammit.
Lost my sunglasses today, sometime after chatting it up with a really really cute blond at a gas station near Quantico. She went to Upenn. And I realized just now [editor's note - just now when writing, not when typing] that I didn't go "Heck, I worked there, fer crying out loud!"
I can't say for sure that we had chemistry, but let's just say that by the end of our chat she looked cold, but it wasn't cold out (105 degrees, with the heat index). If that's not too vague.
She was lost and I was lost, right near the George Bush Intelligence Center. (there's a scathing politico-rock song there somewhere). I'm wearing a pink-on-black Swarthmore Women's Rugby t-shirt and shortish-shorts, and unshaven and sweaty, and I'm pretty sure I smelled bad. Also, the sweat made my sunscreen turn white, so I was covered in a filmy-yeasty-Gollum slime.
But I think we had chemistry.
Why did everybody ask me for directions today? Don't I look absolutely lost? I feel it.
July 4, 7:30pm part 2
Protestant Gods' Scorecard
So far, in terms of Protestant Gods, here's what we got.
QUAKER GOD - a pushover. Nothing to worry about.
EPISCOPALIAN GOD - sensible, sturdy. Like good shoes. On the Mohs Scale of Wrath? He's talc.
METHODIST GOD - HEY! DO NOT MESS WITH THIS GUY!
I am serious. He will send a bug into your ear.
So far, in terms of Protestant Gods, here's what we got.
QUAKER GOD - a pushover. Nothing to worry about.
EPISCOPALIAN GOD - sensible, sturdy. Like good shoes. On the Mohs Scale of Wrath? He's talc.
METHODIST GOD - HEY! DO NOT MESS WITH THIS GUY!
I am serious. He will send a bug into your ear.
July 4, 7:30 pm
make the following fly past your mind's eye like the Star Wars opening titles:
THE BUG INSIDE DDOGG's EAR
"Something crawled up there and died." -Ddogg
We woke up today on the lawn of a Methodist Church. Well, 'lawn' is a strong word. Let's say 'graveyard'. Sleeping on church property has been very nice, and we have had no vengeful-God-wrath so far.
Did a lotta riding, and then even more riding on this day of Independence. Sometimes I doubled back, and rode the same boring turf over. To break up the monotony, I drove on the George Washington Memorial Parkway, which terrifies me and made me scream.
I lost my sunglasses but talked to a really cute lady for a while.
So then we got to Tommy's house (Tommy being Ddogg's earliest friend). We had just enough time to shower under the Elmo sprinkler before a massive thunderstorm broke out.
And I mean MASSIVE. Thunder-booming and lightning-crackling (actual le-sizzles - not thunder) and oh my crap. This storm was George-Washington-Memorial-Parkway-esque in its and menace, and in its capacity to terrify me.
I got used to the storm pretty quickly, though. I think my disappointment distracted me. I was certain that this thunderstorm meant no 4th Fireworks.
However, my disappointment now turns to apprehension, because I find out that Ddogg has a LIVING MOVING BUG INSIDE HIS EAR! From sleeping in a graveyard.
7/3 Mt. Zion Methodist Church -> 8 hrs
THE BUG INSIDE DDOGG's EAR
"Something crawled up there and died." -Ddogg
We woke up today on the lawn of a Methodist Church. Well, 'lawn' is a strong word. Let's say 'graveyard'. Sleeping on church property has been very nice, and we have had no vengeful-God-wrath so far.
Did a lotta riding, and then even more riding on this day of Independence. Sometimes I doubled back, and rode the same boring turf over. To break up the monotony, I drove on the George Washington Memorial Parkway, which terrifies me and made me scream.
I lost my sunglasses but talked to a really cute lady for a while.
So then we got to Tommy's house (Tommy being Ddogg's earliest friend). We had just enough time to shower under the Elmo sprinkler before a massive thunderstorm broke out.
And I mean MASSIVE. Thunder-booming and lightning-crackling (actual le-sizzles - not thunder) and oh my crap. This storm was George-Washington-Memorial-Parkway-esque in its and menace, and in its capacity to terrify me.
I got used to the storm pretty quickly, though. I think my disappointment distracted me. I was certain that this thunderstorm meant no 4th Fireworks.
However, my disappointment now turns to apprehension, because I find out that Ddogg has a LIVING MOVING BUG INSIDE HIS EAR! From sleeping in a graveyard.
7/3 Mt. Zion Methodist Church -> 8 hrs
July 3
Got out of PA yesterday circa 2:00pm. Finally.
Maryland is hot hot hot. Makes me want to smo-smo-smoke. No smoking at all! Dammit!!
I need to shower shower shower.
7/1 stayed at Camp Otter Creek for a steep discount -> 5.5 hours
7/2 crashed the gates at St. James Episcopal Academy ->8.5 hrs
Maryland is hot hot hot. Makes me want to smo-smo-smoke. No smoking at all! Dammit!!
I need to shower shower shower.
7/1 stayed at Camp Otter Creek for a steep discount -> 5.5 hours
7/2 crashed the gates at St. James Episcopal Academy ->8.5 hrs
July 1st
Starting note-keeping. I have been too tired and lazy to write.
Forgot to say "rabbit rabbit" this morning. This trip is now doomed. I doubt that we'll make it to CA alive.
Where will we wind up? Who knows. I just don't want to fall off the scooter. I want to stay atop the moving scooter. Me plus scooter equals good balance. Please please please please please.
No sunburn. yet.
Still in PA. We left on 6/29. WTF?!?
If you designed roads and knew that people would be driving around and would be kind of lost, and weren't totally lost only because they were looking at maps (every once in a while) and memorizing the Route numbers onto which they have to turn next, would you put Route 642 right next to Route 264?
Because I wouldn't.
6/29 squatted on Quaker land for the night -> 5 hrs of sleep
6/30 stayed with Mr. Marv, and the irrepressible Toby the Bitey Shitzu ->8 hrs
Forgot to say "rabbit rabbit" this morning. This trip is now doomed. I doubt that we'll make it to CA alive.
Where will we wind up? Who knows. I just don't want to fall off the scooter. I want to stay atop the moving scooter. Me plus scooter equals good balance. Please please please please please.
No sunburn. yet.
Still in PA. We left on 6/29. WTF?!?
If you designed roads and knew that people would be driving around and would be kind of lost, and weren't totally lost only because they were looking at maps (every once in a while) and memorizing the Route numbers onto which they have to turn next, would you put Route 642 right next to Route 264?
Because I wouldn't.
6/29 squatted on Quaker land for the night -> 5 hrs of sleep
6/30 stayed with Mr. Marv, and the irrepressible Toby the Bitey Shitzu ->8 hrs
the Rules
Okay. I thought that this blog was made up like DAAAYYs ago. Have I been losing entries, or did I simply not blog correctly? Apparently, I can never make web sites work right.
Anyway, I said something like: "I'm keeping a paper blog (heretofore referred to as 'plog'), and sending it into the aether when possible. So the subject lines of my posts will have the correct date and time. Ignore the 'date posted:' info." I think I do not have to explain this further.
Lemme know if that is so.
Also, running tally of places we've slept, and how much sleep I got will be at the end of every post. Or almost every post. I may forget to do it. If this bothers you, you should sue me.
Here we go:
Anyway, I said something like: "I'm keeping a paper blog (heretofore referred to as 'plog'), and sending it into the aether when possible. So the subject lines of my posts will have the correct date and time. Ignore the 'date posted:' info." I think I do not have to explain this further.
Lemme know if that is so.
Also, running tally of places we've slept, and how much sleep I got will be at the end of every post. Or almost every post. I may forget to do it. If this bothers you, you should sue me.
Here we go:
05 July 2006
Laid out near DC
Okay. We are stuck in beautiful Falls Church, VA. The rain won't stop. And Dave just woke the baby.
More to come - looks like we're stuck here for another night. Would be a bad thing, except our hosts are great (and they force me to eat their meat foods! Yaaay meat! It's been too long...). Also, since the male host is supposed to go on a diet, it is my duty to eat his birthday cake. I kid you not.
I'll see if Dave can post a photo of how much I've eaten.
And I will soon transfer the primitive blogwork I've been keeping (that's pen and paper, for all you cool kids out there).
Damn, the baby is crying.
More to come - looks like we're stuck here for another night. Would be a bad thing, except our hosts are great (and they force me to eat their meat foods! Yaaay meat! It's been too long...). Also, since the male host is supposed to go on a diet, it is my duty to eat his birthday cake. I kid you not.
I'll see if Dave can post a photo of how much I've eaten.
And I will soon transfer the primitive blogwork I've been keeping (that's pen and paper, for all you cool kids out there).
Damn, the baby is crying.
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